


Little Miracles

by Crystallinee



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Caretaking, Depression, Drama & Romance, Family Fluff, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, ItaSasu - Freeform, Love Triangles, M/M, SasuIta - Freeform, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 14:15:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 43,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5788312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystallinee/pseuds/Crystallinee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An unexpected event changes their lives forever. Struggling with depression, Itachi tries to make it through each day. Will Sasuke be able to help him? When Naruto shows up, will Itachi let him intrude into their little family? ItaSasu, SasuIta. Modern AU. Lemons, angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Behind Closed Doors

**Author's Note:**

> I can finally present this collaboration fic - that originally started out as a roleplay but turned into a full-fledged fanfic. This started out as collaboration between me and roleplay partner of mine and was eventually continued by myself. 
> 
> Rated M for lemons/smut in later chapters. There will also be lots of angst, love and fluff.  
> Itachi and Sasuke are having a biological child.
> 
> Many thanks to our amazing beta reader Mza418 - May.

_It's easier to run_  
_Replacing this pain with something numb_  
_It's so much easier to go_  
_Than face all this pain here all alone_

The dull, grey light from the windows woke Sasuke up, and he realized that he must have fallen asleep at some point during the early morning hours.

He let out a slight groan as his head spun with tiredness. He had stopped looking for the closeness, the warmness that used to be right by his side. A face against his own, hands intertwined. Now there were only locked doors, silence, and repressed anger. He was alone, with all the responsibility.

He rose from the couch where he had ungracefully dozed off, feeling his messy hair point in all directions. A new day had begun; the world outside was starting to spin in its endless tracks.

But it didn't stop for anyone. He got up and went to the kitchen, where he started preparing tea, breakfast, and milk in the usual feeding bottle. He did everything automatically, without thinking or feeling. It wasn't because of the fact that he hardly got any sleep at night – who can, with a newborn? – or the waves of angst and happiness that switched so quickly. It was the loneliness, the empty room of someone who was once there, and it was getting harder each day.

He wasn't supposed to end up just like his mother, a mere sacrifice.

From the blankets on the couch, a familiar yelp and a little squeal was heard, followed by a rising cry. Sighing, Sasuke walked over and picked the baby up, resting the little head on his shoulder as he continued preparing the milk.

"There there, little one. Tired, huh?"

But his stomach clenched angrily when he saw the firmly locked door across the room. Pain and anger ripped at his insides, the helplessness overwhelming him. Shisui started to whine, his chubby baby hands patting Sasuke's shoulder.

"Missing daddy, huh? Still, he hasn't even bothered to look at you once."

He put his son on the couch again and started to feed him, mostly to make him calm down. _I miss him too_ , Sasuke thought.

Forcing himself to prepare the usual tray of food – only simple green tea and some pieces of bread – he walked over to the door and put it down on the floor. He didn't even bother to say anything, knowing that he would not get a reply.

He returned to the couch with the small child in his arms. Despite having Shisui in his arms, he felt so awfully lonely. He rocked him gently and cooed soothingly at him to stop him from whimpering. He could already tell by now that he looked a lot like his lover, Itachi. He was a true beauty and when he grew older, he'd probably be quite popular.

After a little while, he placed Shisui in his crib and made his way into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. He was so tired, and it was obvious. He had bags underneath his eyes, and his otherwise so perfect skin looked red and annoyed. He had also gotten a whole lot skinnier.

On the other side of the door, a shadow of a person was hiding. Hiding from himself, more than anyone else. He couldn't stand to see his own reflection in the mirror. From the endless hours he had spent slumped on the floor or lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, he was hardly aware of time passing by anymore.

This was such a lonely place. He thought he'd never fall down again, but without any warning, he had sunk to the absolute bottom. Meaningless. Emotionless. Emptiness. The voice in the back of his mind was his worst enemy, like a black fog covering all happy memories and joyful feelings. What was left, honestly?

Sasuke may have thought that Itachi spent his time sleeping, but the truth was that Itachi never slept. If only he could escape to that place. Now he was just sitting here, listening as the hours passed by – the darkness inside of him strangled everything.

He heard cars run by, faint bird chirping, and Shisui's faint whimpers. He heard the sound of Sasuke putting down the tray outside his door. He could hear it in the sound that Sasuke felt betrayed, abandoned.

But he didn't feel a thing. He simply stared at the wall, numb from the pain ripping him to pieces.

Sasuke took a sip from his coffee once it was done. He placed the cup on the counter and found some old toast in the cupboard. He needed to go out and get some groceries, but he didn't dare to leave Shisui alone, despite Itachi being around. He probably wouldn't come out of their bedroom no matter what. Maybe he could ask Naruto to do it for him? Oh yeah, he also needed a haircut pretty badly. Another thing that'd have to wait. He sat down by the counter and pulled out his phone. He wrote a quick text to Naruto, inviting him over. He didn't really care what Itachi would think at this point. It was his own fault.

As expected, Naruto showed up within ten minutes. He had probably driven there, despite the short distance. When Sasuke opened the door, he was pulled into a tight hug by a grinning blond. "Sasuke! Man, finally! When was the last time we hung out?! How's the little one? And Itachi?" he asked curiously, still squeezing the life out of the poor Uchiha.

"Well, we're fine. Itachi is just napping. He was tired after looking after Shisui," he lied as he led him into the living room.

Itachi perked up a little when he heard a sudden disturbance in the calm flow of familiar sounds. The front door opened - sudden fear and anxiety rushed to Itachi's chest and made it almost hard to breathe for a second. He scooted away to the corner of the room, just wanting the disturbance to go away as soon as possible.

Naruto. He recognized that voice, even though it had been such a long time. Itachi had just woken up from a light slumber, a slumber where everything was alright. But reality was harsh. Something boiled up inside when he heard the cheerful voice of the blond. An instinctive resistance. He almost wished he was there, because it hurt when he realized that Sasuke must have made him come over, as a replacement for Itachi.

He heard Sasuke lie, again. Suddenly Itachi wanted to go out there and wrap his arm around Sasuke's shoulder, showing Naruto whom Sasuke belonged to. He wanted to be like the proud - straight- parents they had seen at the park, who proudly showed off their infants to their friends. Itachi was about to stand up, when he remembered the letter from the hospital they had received. He hardly remembered anything but the confirmation that their son had inherited Itachi's strange, painful disease. He couldn't live with himself after that.

Itachi froze when he heard the baby start coughing. He couldn't help himself, although he knew Sasuke and Naruto were around. He took a deep breath and pulled the bedroom door slightly open.

The moment their son had coughed, Sasuke had rushed over to the crib. He picked him up in his arms and wrapped the blanket securely around him. Naruto watched with a small frown on his face. He hadn't noticed until now how loose Sasuke's clothing seemed to be. And the fact that his hair had grown longer didn't seem to help much. It made his face seem sort of narrow.

Sasuke looked down at the bundle in his arms, placing a soft kiss on Shisui's forehead. "There there ~" he whispered softly before looking back at Naruto. "Uh sorry, but would you do me a favour? I meant to do some grocery shopping, but I didn't want to leave Shisui without supervision since Itachi is sleeping. If I gave you a list, would you help me?"

Naruto looked pretty shocked. He had never once heard Sasuke ask for help. Especially not that nicely. He really must've been desperate to get it done.

"Uh, sure.." he mumbled. He saw the relief spread on Sasuke's face before he covered it up behind the usual mask of indifference.

Itachi sank back into his sitting position on the floor when he saw that his baby was being taken care of. Once again, he had been useless as a father. A total failure as an older brother and the worst kind of partner. He buried his face in his hands.

The hatred he felt for himself was overwhelming.

But he wasn't unknowing, no. He knew everything. Every night when Sasuke eventually passed out from lack of sleep, he left his dark room. He would wander around in the house like a pale ghost, watching everything. The items in the sink, on the kitchen table. How they had moved since last night. How they had been used.

Then, he would go to Shisui. The tiny thing, the gentle, helpless being that he and Sasuke had created. It hadn't been planned. Quite a shock for them both.

He would cup the baby's face ever so gently, as if he was afraid to break him. Seeing how small and helpless he was. He was perfect, as if he was sculpted in frail glass.

Then he would slowly, slowly approach Sasuke.

Every day, Sasuke was getting thinner. When did he last eat? Itachi stopped breathing every time he saw those dark circles under his eyes, the picture of despair on his sleeping face. Probably nightmares. Strange wounds on his wrists… Itachi was too ashamed to even touch him. He leaned over the sleeping boy, his heart bleeding.

Last night, he had not been able to control himself. He had leaned down, about to kiss his face, when Shisui had made a sleeping sound and Itachi quickly moved away from his beloved, back into the shadows. ' _Stupid little brother. Why don't you keep on living like you should? Just because I can't...'_

Itachi knew everything. He knew all the times when Sasuke had sat crouched on the bathroom floor, his world collapsing. He remembered the times they spent lying in bed, talking honest words with each other, talking about how much they loved each other.

And now, he was sitting there again, isolated from his little, broken family. Helplessly watching as their friends slowly took more and more place in their lives.

Sasuke looked over his shoulder, just as he was about to say something to Naruto. That's when he noticed that the bedroom door was open a bit. He paused in his tracks completely, suddenly not knowing what to do with himself. Of course Shisui started whimpering once again, as Sasuke's comforting tone suddenly disappeared and his hold lessened. Naruto seemed to realize what was happening and decided to take over.

Sasuke just stared at the small crack. Remembering when the door used to be wide open – easy access. It had been so nice when he and Itachi had dined together, laughed together, and cuddled up on the couch after a long day.

But forever doesn't last more than a certain time.

They thought nothing could tear them apart. They said forever as they kissed, as they spent every moment with each other and slept tightly entangled.

Forever came and went; it just stumbled through the door, messed up, and left just like that. It was already gone.

Yes, everything they hoped for and dreamed of – the word 'forever' had fooled them. They had it all, but then it fell down the cracks of Itachi's unstable mind. Yes, Sasuke had decided that Forever could not be trusted. It couldn't live up to its name.

Still, he never stopped hoping. That one day, that closed door would open once again.

* * *

**Please review and let us know what you think. Feedback is always welcome!**

**Thank you for reading!**

**\- Crystallinee  
**


	2. Throes of Passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic will be a mix of the angsty present and also flashbacks from everything that has happened up until now. Enjoy~
> 
> Many warm thanks to my beta reader May for saving the readers from possible brain fog~

It had been such a long time since they had last lived in harmony and love; the doors had been shut between them for what felt like a whole eternity. But even if it was that long ago, he remembered it all too clearly.

It was as if he had been drunk on too much happiness, and the time since then had just been an extended hangover. Still, through the hazy sorrow and tiredness in Sasuke's mind, he tried to grasp at those flashes of light. He was sick of being alone; sick of waiting for something that might never happen.

He remembered one time when he had made a large home-cooked meal, for when his brother would come home from his mission. He had decorated the table for two and left rose petals all over the place to make it extra special. No one thought that Sasuke Uchiha would be capable of producing something that extraordinary, but for Itachi, he would.

Neither would his brother forget that. That evening would always live inside of Itachi, like a treasured, embedded piece of happiness in his heart. He couldn't feel any happiness these days. The fog was clouding that part of him, but thinking of that was like looking at an old photo: he could see it but not feel it.

The evening everything started.

**_Twelve Months Earlier_ **

The elder Uchiha had been absolutely stunned by the sight that met him when he came home from work, done by utter love and devotion. His favorite food, the carefully decorated table, lit candles and roses. A scent of something sweet was lingering in the air, if it was not Sasuke himself.  
He had wrapped his arms around his brother and hugged him so tightly, kissing every part of his face that he could possibly reach. The smile that Sasuke gave him was worth all the pain in the world. It was worth all the risky and dangerous missions to come home to his loving Otouto.

They enjoyed the dinner - Sasuke had good cooking skills, making up for Itachi, who couldn't even make a fried egg without burning it. Not even the rose petals could compare to the color in his mind when he looked at Sasuke. Itachi found himself taking the younger male's hand all the time, squeezing it, and it slowly drove him crazy with need. They both knew what they wanted tonight.

He just wanted to place Sasuke on the table and satisfy him in every way he could. The things he wanted to do to him - devour him, taste him, feel him in every way to show him how much he loved him. Sasuke was his best friend, his lover and other half. They had known each other for so many years; they knew each other from within.

The feeling in the air was calm and cozy, and when they had finished eating, he picked him up and carried him to the couch in the living room. Itachi leaned over him, entwining their hands.

Sasuke had let out a small sound as he was picked up and carried into the living room. He knew Itachi wouldn't drop him. Normally, he'd complain until he was put down on the floor again, but for now, he'd let it be. He unwrapped his arms from around Itachi's neck as he was placed onto the couch. He leaned back and let their fingers intertwine.

"You enjoyed the dinner?" he asked softly and looked into his eyes. No one really saw this side of him. It was as if he was someone else around Itachi. Gentle, mild and somewhat humoristic.

"Of course I did, foolish Otouto." Itachi smiled gently and poked his forehead softly. "Even if you weren't half as skilled, I'd still enjoy it with all my heart." He raised a delicate eyebrow, something suggesting in his eyes.

This soft side of Sasuke was what brought out Itachi's most protective, doting, and gentle side. He just could not believe that he was blessed to have him in his life - the angelic face, unique personality and his eyes, so much like Itachi's own and full of life, was everything he lived for. This side of Sasuke belonged only to Itachi.

He simply placed himself on his favorite place - on top of his Otouto. He started kissing his neck, slowly traveling towards his collarbone. Neither of them could wait for the real 'dessert'. Itachi placed one of his hands near Sasuke's head to support himself, in order not to crush him. His other hand slowly made its way beneath the hem of his shirt. That damn fabric was so unnecessary, hiding his Otouto's body away. He nibbled at it.

Sasuke let out a relieved sigh when Itachi told him he had enjoyed the dinner. He was always worried about Itachi disliking his cooking. He wanted to make everything perfect and seem worthwhile for his lover. It was also the reason why he kept their house so tidy at all times. He didn't want him to worry about a thing. Everything was perfect. Just like their relationship.

He couldn't have hoped for anything better. Itachi was so sweet and caring. He truly loved him. He tilted his head slightly to the side to allow Itachi better access to his sensitive skin. He closed his eyes and focused on the sensation of being kissed and caressed. He let his hands go underneath his lover's shirt, feeling him up. Itachi's skin felt nice and warm beneath his fingertips.  
"Feels nice~" he breathed out, as a small smile slid onto his lips.

As Itachi let his free hand gently caress Sasuke's collarbone, he caught the look in his eyes. The elder smiled, shaking his head slightly. He knew what Sasuke was thinking: he was overanalyzing things again in his struggle to be good enough. But what he didn't realize, no matter how many times Itachi told him, was that he was already doing everything right and he didn't need to put that much effort into everything. Itachi couldn't have asked for a better lover and life partner. His sweet, pure, loving Otouto was everything he could ever need.

Itachi caught Sasuke's lips in a deep kiss as he felt the younger's hands go beneath his shirt. He fought to keep his control - Itachi was always so cool and collected, keeping himself serious and strict at all times. But Sasuke was teasing him dangerously close to the edge. He wanted to ravish that body so badly, have him and take him and love him in every way, the entire night and the entire day until neither of them was able to move. He continued to kiss his brother as he lifted him up in his arms again. He carried him to the bedroom and put him down on their double bed, quickly taking off their other clothes.

Itachi was on top of him again in no time, kissing and licking and gently nibbling. His ponytail had lost its shape, and now his hair was hanging loosely all around them as he ground against the younger boy, entirely focused on the feeling of holding him tight in his arms. He bit down on Sasuke's neck, sucked, as he knew the younger loved it when he did so, and pulled his hair to get better access to his neck and lips. Then his hands slid lower.

Sasuke arched his back slightly off the bed by the pleasant touch. He would've purred if his lips weren't already occupied by Itachi's. He allowed his brother to unzip his shirt, and sat up so he could help him remove it while undoing Itachi's. Eye for an eye. He had been about to crawl into Itachi's lap to grind their lips together when he was moved to the bedroom. He eyed him, pouting just the slightest. He liked having a bit of control every once in a while so he wouldn't feel so small.

He let his slender fingers go into his brother's hair and removed the elastic to free the long, beautiful locks. He let his fingers run through it before letting Itachi undress him. He let out a small sound as his hair was pulled and his neck exposed. "Hah-! Ita-" he 'whimpered' innocently.

Itachi enjoyed this, being in control, being completely dominant. Of course, they had had sessions where Sasuke was in control but now Itachi was in charge and nothing could change that.

The sounds Sasuke made turned Itachi on like nothing else. He wanted to hear more and damn right he was going to have his brother screaming soon enough. The thought made a devilish smirk form on his lips. He straddled the younger, pinning his body down on the bed as he reached for the lube on the nightstand. With one hand, he opened the lid, while the other cupped Sasuke's neck.

He could tell that the younger boy was far too impatient to wait for a proper preparation, but Itachi couldn't let him get hurt. Sasuke was squirming beneath him and glaring at him, dissatisfied that it took time, but Itachi applied a generous amount of lube on himself and glared back while he stroked himself. It immediately distracted the younger and Itachi could spread his legs and place himself at his entrance. He couldn't wait to feel Sasuke's amazing heat wrapped around him. The younger of them never really cared about pain; he was far too impatient by now.

He leaned down and whispered in his brother's ear, "Here I go, Otouto." With that, he pushed in, choking on a deep moan as he filled him up with his length. He stayed still for some moments to allow the younger to get used to it, but he could feel Sasuke boiling with anger and impatience. Sasuke wanted him to go on and fuck him hard already, but Itachi enjoyed lovemaking.

Itachi sent him a teasing smile, slowly melting into his brother's warm, tight, velvet cavern. He felt so good, so tight. He held back a groan as he bit his brother's neck and left another love mark. He slowly started moving, ending Sasuke's glare by grabbing his member tightly and massaging it. He would make him see stars tonight.

Sasuke let out a groan as he felt Itachi fill him up. He sucked in a deep breath and met his eyes. A cocky smirk slipped onto his lips. "Geez, move any slower and I might fall asleep," he mocked and bucked his hips upwards, so that Itachi would enter him completely. He wrapped his legs around Itachi's waist and pulled him closer.

He turned his head to capture his brother's lips, massaging them with his own. He moved his hips to Itachi's pace while kissing him deeply. He couldn't wait for him to pick up the pace though. He knew Itachi was capable of fucking his brains out, so why not just do it?

Itachi narrowed his eyes. "I'm trying to make love to you, Sasuke. Can't you at least try to be a little romantic?" He inwardly rolled his eyes, quite amused by his insatiable brother. But the moan that the younger boy let out was responded to by every cell in Itachi's body, his control slipping away. He started moving faster, almost aggressively, making that cocky smirk vanish from the younger's face. Every thrust pushed Sasuke deeper into the mattress.

"When I'm done with you, you'll fall asleep right away," Itachi added, smirking as he let go of himself and started pounding into his brother, making the bed thump against the wall, and they threw their heads back. Each time Sasuke bucked his hips, pleasure spiraled through Itachi even stronger than before. It made him thrust faster and harder, his hands grasping the sheets, and he groaned from the pleasure. The sweat was soon running off their faces. He kissed Sasuke hard and panted in his ear to let him know just how much he was enjoying this. Sasuke let out a series of breathless moans in return, as his body was helplessly moved beneath his lover. They both felt warmth start coiling at the bottom of their stomachs like a slowly burning fire.

How he loved to feel his precious baby brother from the inside, his deepest depths, massaging each other.

The younger male couldn't help but grip onto the sheets as his brother pounded into his heat. It felt amazing and he knew he'd cum within minutes if he kept it up. Yet he couldn't help himself from teasing Itachi further.

"Y-you gotta do better than that," he forced out, luckily managing not to moan or pant. He wanted to see how far Itachi would go to make him scream from the mindless pleasure **,** because if the Uchiha was still able to string together a complete sentence, then obviously, the Uchiha wasn't getting it. He smirked at him once more before kissing his brother's neck hungrily.

The devilish look in Itachi's eyes returned and he stopped moving completely when Sasuke once again required faster speed. He grinned towards the younger, licking his neck teasingly and then kissing it gently. "I'm going to take my time, Sasuke, and you will have to be a good boy and wait."

Itachi forced the younger boy's hips still and stared into his eyes, gripping Sasuke's hands firmly and keeping them above his head, making the younger male completely helpless and immovable. Sasuke bit his lip hard as the movement ceased **.** He had been so close to cumming **,** it was almost painful. He sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes for a few seconds, so that Itachi's following words wouldn't throw him over the edge.

"I could chain you up and leave you here for a while... while I take care of myself," he grinned. He knew that this slightly sadistic side of himself was something that his brother loved, even if he'd never admit it.

Calmly meeting the upset glare of his brother, Itachi kept himself deep inside him while he freed one of his hands to once again approach Sasuke's manhood, gripping firmly and pulling ever so slowly, teasing and rubbing the slit and making Sasuke gasp and groan loudly.

"Tell me again Otouto, are you going to fall asleep?" he chuckled.

Sasuke tugged his hands a bit, trying to shift to cause friction between them. All the pleasure he had been experiencing just before was now gone and he felt extremely empty. He didn't particularly like it, even though Itachi always made up for it by making him scream in the end. Besides, his teasing was hot.

"Depends. You gonna grow a pair and fuck the life out of me?" he purred sexily and licked his lips in a seductive manner.

Itachi's strong hips easily held the younger's in place. Sasuke's repeated attempts of creating friction failed, and Itachi smirked at his little victory. Sasuke's seductive behavior made him want to grab his hips and fuck him so hard, he would scream outright and not be able to walk for a week.

"Perhaps." Itachi kept on stroking his brother's dick, stimulating the tip, and he watched with great joy as the younger was driven crazy with lust. He was not able to reach down and take care of himself; Itachi was holding his hands firmly.

The elder finally gave up when he felt Sasuke's body tense up and his legs start shaking from the extreme pleasure. He released his grip on him and leaned over his face. "We haven't even begun yet," he mumbled softly.

The normally kind, caring, compassionate, and selfless Itachi had become a beast - all his blood and his thoughts were in his lower regions. Only moments after, he threw Sasuke back onto the bed and started pounding him hard, gritting his teeth.

The younger got a minor shock when Itachi suddenly pounded into him - making him scream and gasp for air in pure bliss. "Oh fuckfuckfuck - Itachi-" he moaned. The pleasure was overwhelming. "Nh!" He buried his head into the pillow as his face heated up and turned a shade of pink.

Itachi was not aware of anything else but the body beneath him. He picked up his pace for real and kept going faster, faster. He threw his whole body weight into each thrust, making him grunt from the effort. He was gripping Sasuke's arms, kissing him with overflowing passion as his hips mercilessly kept pounding. The beast within purred with pride when he heard Sasuke's screams and gasps - it made him so close to reaching his peak, and he almost wanted to slow down to savor the pleasure. He was really close, but not as close as Sasuke was.

Sasuke, on the other hand, dug his nails into his brother's back as he tried his very best not to give in to the euphoria. His attempts to keep his voice down were long forgotten, fuck the neighbours. They'd just have to bear with them, because even if he tried, he wouldn't be able to keep it down. It was impossible when Itachi was fucking him like this. He wanted to cum, but he wanted to cum with him. It felt better that way and it was way more satisfying in the end. "I-I'm close!" he panted and looked into his brother's eyes.

Itachi kept on going, his eyes fluttering shut, and he had to struggle to keep his voice down as well. The heavy thumping of the bedframe hitting the wall was surely heard by the neighbours, but at this moment, he couldn't care less.

He wanted Sasuke to come first, because it would make his own orgasm sweeter, but also because he wanted to witness the beauty of his facial expression, before Itachi himself was lost in total overwhelming satisfaction. He kept groaning and panting in Sasuke's ear, embracing his body tightly. Sweat was pouring off of their bodies and the air was thick with it.

"Fuck... Otouto. Me as well -" His breath caught in his throat as he delivered a couple of even harder thrusts, literally pounding him deep into the mattress. He easily hit that certain spot that he had learned from years of practice would make Sasuke see stars. As he drilled himself into his prostate, Sasuke's back arched into a beautiful angle.

The younger boy couldn't keep it in anymore. He let out a particularly loud scream as he came over himself. "Fuck, Itachi!" His entire body tensed up and his body arched in a clean bow off the bed before collapsing. He breathed heavily, trying to catch his breath as his vision started blackening. It seemed like he was going to either faint or fall asleep. He wasn't quite sure which one actually. He wanted to see his Itachi come though, so he fought valiantly to keep his eyes open and focused on him. "I love you," he whispered softly.

Itachi was just on the edge, when he saw Sasuke reaching his completion. The most beautiful sight in his world, but he hardly had time to think, because once Sasuke came, he started constricting around Itachi and became so impossibly tight. The elder choked on a moan as his face contorted and relaxed again, coming hard into his brother - the pleasure was so overwhelming, and he kept on groaning as he filled Sasuke up with his hot seed.

Exhausted, he pulled out and lay down beside the younger, and despite his body feeling totally drained, he smirked. "Tired, Otouto?" He kissed the younger's forehead and secured him against him. "I love you."

Sasuke had let out a small sound as Itachi came inside of him since his body was extremely sensitive now. He snuggled closer to his brother, too tired to answer. "Iloveyoutoo.." he mumbled sleepily. It was almost impossible to hear and understand. Then his heavy eyelids won the battle and he fell into a deep sleep. He didn't have any dreams that night since he was so exhausted, but when he woke up in the morning, he would feel better than ever despite his backside hurting.

Itachi fell asleep with his brother in his warm embrace that night, like so many other blissful nights.

But soon enough, things would start to change.


	3. Cutting Loose

**_Back To Present  
_ **

Itachi was still crouched on the floor, staring out through the crack in the door. Sasuke was looking in his direction, carrying Shisui. But before their eyes could meet, Itachi shut the door firmly. He just couldn't stand the look in his brother's eyes.

The memories were too strong, the guilt overwhelming. He wanted to reach Sasuke and hold him, but he couldn't. He couldn't go out there. The depression was like heavy iron in him, making him unable to move. His thoughts were spinning, sharp and hurtful. Everything had happened so fast.

He needed Naruto out of there. He couldn't stand him in the presence of his son or his lover. It was like they were a family. He clenched his fists when he thought about it. They were close, too close. He could hear it in Sasuke's voice and had seen it in his gaze during some short seconds.

Just as Itachi had closed the door, it suddenly got hard to breathe. A violent coughing fit was making its way up his throat and he crouched on the floor, watching blood fall out of his mouth as he coughed and crumbled. His nails scratched at the closed door, almost as if he wanted to open it. But it had been a long time since Sasuke had been close enough to help him with his coughing fits. Itachi was alone in the room, like usual, gasping for breath. But he knew that it must have disturbed the others, because Shisui started crying.

As he fell down on the floor, he thought about his son. For how long would he live? Could he ever break free from the horrible genes Itachi had given him?

Sasuke winced and felt sick with worry as he heard the coughing. He put Shisui down in the crib before hurrying into the kitchen to get Itachi some water. He placed it outside the door and knocked gently on it, so Itachi would know he had left something for him. He wrung his hands out of pure worry. He felt as if he was going to throw up.

Naruto looked at him worriedly, noticing the suddenly tense sentiment in the air. "You guys fighting?" he asked softly and placed a hand on Sasuke's shoulder.

It was shrugged off within a matter of milliseconds. It was almost as if the touch had burned him. "Don't." The word came out a lot harsher than he had meant it to. Sasuke felt guilty when he saw the hurt look in the blond's eyes. "Just… don't. Me and… Ita are fine…" It felt weird saying his nickname after not hearing anything from him in so long.

"He's just not feeling well and I'm tired. That's all."

Naruto obviously didn't believe it because he just sighed and went over to the crib to play with Shisui. They had always had a special connection. Sasuke couldn't help but think that his friend was a better father than Itachi had ever been.

Itachi struggled to keep himself from passing out from his coughing fit and leaned against the wall for support. Naruto's voice made his Sharingan activate and his instincts crashed together - stay inside or go out there? He knew perfectly well that the blond was really infatuated with their son - he often visited just to bring some toys or to cuddle with Shisui. Itachi did not like it at all.

But he turned away again. He would take care of Naruto eventually. Mark his words, he would. He was Shisui's father. He had been there once, long ago.

The glass outside his door was left untouched.

.

It was dark outside; the sky was a black velvet cloth wrapped around the world, and glimmering stars were faintly twinkling in the distance. Everything was asleep, but not the shadow that opened the bedroom door and slowly crept out into the hallway.

Itachi and Sasuke hadn't been sharing the same bedroom since the baby was born; Itachi had permanently occupied the guest room. But now his tall shadow was moving along the linoleum floors, his eyes gleaming and watching like a cat. Watching everything, every single piece of dust floating in the air, visible in the moonlight.

Around midnight, an exhausted Sasuke had stumbled into the master bedroom. The crib had, after a lot of Naruto's overly sympathetic fussing, been placed in the living room so that Sasuke would get a few hours of undisturbed sleep.

But everything wasn't quiet. A certain someone was also awake: his big, black eyes looked at the world with confusion and wonder. His chubby hands were firmly clenched. He didn't know much. So new in this world, perfectly innocent and untainted.

Itachi approached him slowly, as if he was afraid he would shatter. He stared at the flawless little creature for some precious seconds. He felt too dirty, too unclean to be allowed to touch this little angel. The tear troughs beneath his eyes and the absence of whiskers clearly showed that this was his child after all. His baby.

The baby met Itachi's tense gaze and started whimpering. Some drool was running down his cheek and he started making distressed sounds. Itachi hurried forward, and before he could think, he had the baby in his arms. The sensation struck him right in his heart.

"Shisui...Hush."

He didn't really know what to say to an infant; he had no experience with them. But he firmly remembered, all those years ago, he had been singing a lullaby to an almost identical baby. The eyes were the same, the same look in them that ruled Itachi's whole heart. Feeling strangely touched, he slowly touched the black, silky smooth hair at the top of his head. The way his son's eyes followed him closely was taking over his mind.

Lifting the little chubby thing up to his chest, he put his arms around him and started rocking him a bit awkwardly. All he had felt of him were the soft moves against Sasuke's belly. Suddenly, he wanted to cry.

"Don't cry, Sas...Shisui. Your daddy is here and will always protect you. Even though I've been awful. But you never did anything wrong. Neither did your... Sasuke. He loves you very much." Itachi kept speaking in a serious manner to the child with the softest voice he could produce.

Despite lying in the bedroom, Sasuke was unable to sleep. He was bathing in sweat and his body was shaking. He hadn't even slept yet, not that it mattered since he didn't dare to. The result would've been the same anyway.

Lately, he had been having all these disturbing nightmares; they'd leave him feeling broken and scared. He curled into a small ball in the king-sized bed. He felt so alone. He pulled the blanket up his chin as if he was hiding. A few deep breaths made his heart calm down a bit.

He laid there for a while, thinking about life. After about an hour, he decided to get up. He'd rather be by Shisui's side. He pulled on his - now way too big - shirt and a pair of sweatpants before he left the bedroom.

That's when he heard Shisui whimpering and someone talking.

He hurried into the living room, prepared to defend his son against any possible intruders, where he found Itachi with Shisui in his arms. That was the first time he had seen him in months. The sight was shocking. No joy. Just plain cold shock.

"Put him down," Sasuke forced out. His voice sounded shaky and actually sort of scared. He slowly moved just a tiny bit closer and reached out to grab him. "Give me back my son."

He knew that those words would probably hurt Itachi's feelings. But right now, he just didn't trust him. He had been 'gone' for so long and now, he suddenly decided to come back to father Shisui? Why hadn't he come to him? Didn't he know how much Sasuke had missed him?

It wasn't fair. Instead of feeling relieved to see Itachi, he felt nothing but doubt and anger. He was a horrible father. A horrible lover. And if Itachi had intentions of hiding in the bedroom for all eternity, then Shisui deserved better. Sasuke didn't want him to grow up with a father who only checked up on him when he felt like it. He didn't want to have to explain to Shisui why his own father couldn't look him in the eyes.

Itachi didn't deserve him. He didn't deserve either of them. But Sasuke loved him too much to leave him. He still hoped somewhere deep down inside that Itachi would see what he was doing and learn from his mistakes. But he was losing faith in him. Did Itachi even want them as his family anymore? Did he enjoy watching their pain and seeing Sasuke starve himself to make sure the food would last longer?

The other father was shocked when he heard the strange, almost forgotten voice. He had never heard Sasuke speak to him in that manner before. Instinctively, he pulled Shisui closer to his chest as he slowly turned around and stared into his little brother's eyes.

Meeting his stare was hard. He saw everything in those pitch black eyes: the pain and the anger, the hopelessness and the desperation. But Itachi couldn't move. The guilt was slowly carving his heart out, and he remained frozen with the child pressed against his chest. His lover's name sounded strange and bitter on his tongue, like an old, rusty music box that was broken. "Sasu..ke..."

Itachi fought against the instinct to curl on the floor with his hands on his head or retreat back into the room. He totally forgot his son's presence in that moment and could only focus on one being. He knew it: how could he ever make up for what he had done? When he still wasn't capable of handling himself, his mood swings and panic attacks, how could he be trusted around his son and Sasuke?

And most importantly of all - how could Sasuke still stand him? What could he say or do? All he wanted to do was to press Sasuke to his chest and hold him so close, to shelter him and care for him.

"I've never taken him away from you. He was always yours from the start." Itachi's tone was short and firm, his head turned away as he tried to keep himself from shaking. He took some steps away from Sasuke. "If you want to walk away from me, I would never stop you," he continued honestly. He would let go somehow, even if it would kill him. Sasuke deserved so much better. Even though the thought of Naruto replacing him made him sick to his stomach. Still, he wouldn't stop him.

He turned to Sasuke again as he placed the baby in the crib, swiftly tucking him in. He didn't know what he would do if Sasuke actually left him.

"I'm trying," he whispered almost inaudibly.

Sasuke swallowed a lump in his throat. It hurt a lot to hear Itachi say those words. He didn't even know how to reply to them. He placed his slender hand on his hip while biting down his lip. He turned his head away a bit since it was too painful to face Itachi right now.

He took a deep shaky breath after a while. "You're trying? You aren't trying at all. Do you call staying in bed all day and making me take care of you AND the baby trying? I'm the one who's trying! I clean, do the laundry, cook and so much more. I've been doing everything since you decided that it would be a good idea to sulk!"

An angry tear rolled down his cheek as the words flowed out of his mouth. "You left me! You left your son! If it weren't for Naruto, we wouldn't even have any food to eat! What kind of man are you?"

Itachi gritted his teeth as the accusations washed over him, each and every one piercing his inner soul. He felt like crushing something. Giving up had never been an option, but what was he to do?

"You have no idea how I feel," Itachi said, the words coming out colder than he expected. "I'm not the same person I was before, but you just won't realize that." He took a deep breath, feeling himself lose control.

"You deserve so much better, foolish brother. You deserve someone who picks you up and carries you into the sunset, someone who is there for you and gives you what you deserve. I am truly worthless, and I will never be good enough for you, no matter what. If I could stop loving you so much it kills me, I would. But I'm stuck in myself and I can't get out of it, no matter how hard I try. I hate myself for this, for hurting you like this, and my very existence is a curse for Shisui. Tell me, do you see anything in me that isn't just pure trash? He would be so much better off without me, and so would you. But you don't realize this, do you? You think I do this because I enjoy seeing you suffer, but the truth is -"

He took a deep breath and stared at his brother, trying to calm his violent breathing. He couldn't believe that he just said that, everything felt so unreal. He wanted to disappear, to leave right then and there. But at the same time, he couldn't stop himself any longer. Sasuke was standing right before him, so vulnerable, so vulnerable and broken. Before he could stop himself, he stepped forward and reached out to touch him.

Sasuke looked at the floor as he listened to his brother speak. Hearing him speak so lowly of himself pained him. He didn't like it. Sure, he was angry with him and wanted to throw everything he could get his hands on at him, but that didn't mean he wished this for him.

When Itachi reached out to hold him, he stepped away. He couldn't let himself; he knew that the moment Itachi's arms were around him, all of his anger would disappear into thin air. He wanted Itachi to understand, to see things from his point of view for once.

"I know what I deserve. Thank you very much," he bit at him. He crossed his arms and let his gaze go to the crib. Maybe they should talk about this somewhere else, so they didn't wake Shisui up. He wasn't sure if he had the energy to comfort him one more time tonight.

He grabbed Itachi by the wrist, dragged him into the kitchen and shut the door. "I get it. You feel guilty about Shisui having your illness – I understand that. I would've felt guilty too. But we needed you. I needed you… And you cut me off." He looked away once again as more tears left his eyes. He didn't feel like letting Itachi see him cry.

"... And now you have to deal with the consequences… as much as it pains me," he added in a whisper. The day Itachi had shut himself into the bedroom, something had snapped within him. He had tried so hard to ignore it and just move on, but his nightmares were a daily reminder. He didn't want to feel like he was constantly going to break down. He barely ate since he couldn't keep it in, and he never slept more than an hour or two if he was lucky. He just wanted it all to end.

He had given so much, done everything he could possibly do.

"And you're right," Sasuke continued. "I have no idea what you're feeling or who you are anymore for that matter. I think-"

Who was he trying to kid? He didn't want any of this and he certainly didn't want what he had been about to say. He wanted Itachi with him, forever and always. He wanted their family to be whole again and go on picnics once it got warmer outside.

"I think… uh..."

He leaned against the counter, suddenly feeling dizzy. He really wasn't in any condition to be arguing with Itachi in the middle of the night. He should've been 'resting' in his bed or at least have tried to.

Itachi looked at his brother as he spoke, dreading the words he knew would come. He guessed he would hear 'Naruto's a better father for Shisui' or 'Naruto is better for me'. But he knew that he had to accept whatever consequences Sasuke decided on.

Suddenly, he noticed how his brother seemed very unstable _,_ or rather _weak_ _._ His legs seemed to have given up on him. Before he had time to think, Itachi rushed forward.

* * *

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	4. Miserable at Best

Before Sasuke collapsed, Itachi caught him in his arms. It scared him when he felt how thin his brother had become - it was like carrying Shisui, light as a feather. Itachi wasn't in the best condition either after his isolation - he barely ate as well, but he was still stronger than Sasuke. Now he started to realize that the birth must have been such a heavy physical strain on his brother. He carried him to their old bedroom, that only Sasuke used.

It tore Itachi apart to really _see_ him like this, how much he had changed. He carefully put his brother down on the double bed and tried to support his head with pillows. It got hard to breathe when he saw the whole picture - he hadn't noticed until now.

Sasuke was only a shadow of his former self. The adorable little extra weight he had put on during the pregnancy had vanished. He was so skinny; his ribs were visible through his nightshirt, and the curves of his hips were disturbingly sharp. His wrists were so thin, it looked as if they would break from an ever-so-light strain. His face was hollowed and decorated with dark blue circles under his eyes. He was like an empty shell. It was a scary sight.

Itachi fought the sudden panic. Sasuke should be in the hospital for a checkup. He had not received any real maternity care. This truly wasn't healthy; for how long had he been starving himself? How could Sasuke do this to Shisui? What would happen to Shisui if Sasuke became life-threateningly sick? Not that Shisui needed only Sasuke to feed him, but-

Itachi felt, for the first time in months, real emotions. Real, sharp emotions that woke him up. It hurt like needles on his skin. The stern numbness cracked violently, like waves breaking against land. And through the cracks, it all came rushing down like a tsunami.  
Tears streamed down his face as he grabbed his brother's wrist, checked for a pulse, and stroked his face.

The last remaining pieces of the numbness washed away part by part, and the real panic was taking over. What the hell - what the hell had he been thinking?

Itachi started talking aloud, not really caring if Sasuke heard him or not. He sat down by the side of the bed in the darkness and stared at nothing.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. If only I knew, all those months ago, what would happen- I would have stopped it, I swear, Sasuke. I would've never put you through all this. Hell, if I had known it was even possible for me to impregnate you- I swear I would have spared you from this."

Sasuke had kept quiet as he was being carried to the bedroom. He was still conscious, but his head was spinning, and he was having a hard time focusing. Once he had been placed on the bed, he just laid there. He didn't want to sleep. He was too scared. Just lying on the bed made him scared, and he could feel his anxiety creeping in on him.

He closed his eyes, clutching onto his shirt. He did his best to focus on Itachi's voice as he spoke to himself. But as expected, he didn't like what he heard. Itachi wanted to turn back time and have safe sex? Meaning they wouldn't have had Shisui?

He couldn't suppress a sob that made its way up his throat. The sadness easily defeated the anger. He was broken.

"Don't say that! He's a miracle, he's my miracle!" Sobbing, he turned away from Itachi. His entire body shook violently as he cried in a mixture of anxiety, hurt, and anger. "How could you even say such a thing?!"

That's when he felt an overwhelming need to check up on Shisui, just to see if Itachi had wished him away. He knew that it wasn't possible to make someone vanish like that, but what if? He had conceived a child without a uterus.

Sasuke left the bed and practically ran out of the bedroom and into the living room. He stumbled on the rug on the way and fell. He let out a small 'uff!' as all the air was knocked out of him. He crawled the remaining distance to the crib just so he could see his child.

The tears kept on coming. "I-it's okay Shisui... I'm here. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you... I-I'm here..." he whispered, having a hard time getting his body back in control. His breathing was ragged, and he was still shaking violently.

Itachi didn't know how to make this right again. Everything was just a mess. But it was now he realized, this was his family. The only ones he had. The ones he loved.  
He followed right behind Sasuke into the living room. He reached out to catch Sasuke when he stumbled, but it was too late: he had already crawled away, as if he was afraid that Itachi would try to take Shisui away from him.

It hurt to see Sasuke's desperate caring of the child. As if he constantly had to make up for two persons. Itachi approached them very slowly, cautiously, as if Sasuke was an animal that was afraid of him and might end up hurting his child if he was stressed enough.

"Otouto, please listen to me. All I want to undo is your pain and your suffering. Nothing else. I know you probably can't believe me, but you have to. It's true I don't know my son, but he is a part of us. A part of me and I won't ever deny that. Try to remember," he kept on talking, convincingly, but his voice and his heart were about to break.

"Remember the times when we lay together in bed, and I listened to your belly for ages? And remember what I promised, once we both had accepted your pregnancy?"

He got closer, crouching on the ground in order to not scare Sasuke away. He loved him so much, he didn't know what to do. "You and I are supposed to be there together and protect him. I promise you Sasuke, that from now on, you won't stand alone. All I need... is for you to give me a chance to prove it."

As the younger boy kept crying and trembling violently, clutching Shisui close to his chest, Itachi's voice turned harsh as the big lump in his throat hardened. "I can't see you fade away like this anymore. I couldn't live with myself if I caused you any more pain. It's killing me."

The darkness, the angst he felt was overwhelming. But somewhere in this black fog of heavy depression and anxiety, there were faint pieces of light. Those two lights were right in front of him. And this time, he would reach out to grasp them before he was left in total darkness.

When he saw Sasuke cradling their child, this strange feeling was coming over him again. The piece that bound him and Sasuke together for all eternity, the evidence of their love. The little, soft, black hair and those two wide-open eyes...

Sasuke looked at Shisui who was lying in his arms, before slowly looking up at Itachi. He attempted to wipe away his tears, but it didn't really work, needless to say. He straightened his back a little so that he was leaning against the crib. He didn't know what to say; he never did. He didn't want to yell anymore. He hated yelling at Itachi.

Itachi slowly approached them, holding out his hands in a gesture that suggested he wanted to hold Shisui.  
"Let me help you to bed, Otouto..." It felt so strange to say that word after all this time. "You need to sleep. I promise to watch over him. Give him to me."

Tears were slowly running down his pale cheeks as he watched what he had done to his other half. Every tear Sasuke shed was a punch in the stomach to Itachi. He'd always been the one who made anyone who hurt Sasuke regret it. And this time, it was himself.

He couldn't protect Sasuke from himself.

"Please, Sasuke. Even if you never forgive me, that's understandable. But at least let me give you a chance to sleep peacefully," Itachi begged. No words could describe the sorrow he felt. "Just let me make it better... I know I don't have the right to, but it's the only thing I ask of you."

Sasuke looked down at their child once more before very slowly handing him over to Itachi. He sniffed once. "... Careful…" he mumbled. His voice was raw from all the crying. He never really cried because he bottled up all of his emotions. So once he had finally started, he was having a very hard time stopping. He decided not to answer Itachi's question, since the fact that he let him hold Shisui should have been answer enough. He picked himself off the ground and took a deep breath to calm himself.

"Goodnight Itachi, Shisui." He gave them a small nod before walking down the corridor to the bedroom. He undressed until he was completely naked. A small part of him hoped Itachi would come join him later, but he didn't dare to get his hopes up.

He crawled back into bed and hid under the covers.

.

Itachi received the baby and held him in his arms awkwardly, as if he was made of glass. He whispered "Good night" in return, and when Sasuke had disappeared into the hallway, he picked the baby up for real.

He watched Shisui closely in the light from the lamp in the window sill, having never really noticed his facial features until now.

Nothing else could make his parental instinct blossom like this. Their baby. He was simply perfect. A picture of flawless perfection, an angel made of pure love. He couldn't even think about how their lives would have been without him. Had it even been anything before him?

No matter what twist of fate or chance had conceived and brought Shisui to them, it was right.  
The baby was calm; his eyes wide awake and full of trust. Trust for his father, and that was what touched Itachi's heart the most. His big dark eyes were like Itachi's own – almond-shaped with thick eyelashes and very faint traces of tear troughs, but it was only adorable on his little round face. The rest of his facial features were Sasuke's, including the cute little pout he had. The child seemed happy in a way, not at all distressed like the one who conceived him. Itachi was relieved beyond words to find that the baby was not malnourished. Sasuke had sacrificed his own health for him.

Itachi realized how blind he had been. He had been so wrong. He may not live forever, but he would spend all of his time with this picture-perfect baby. This was the biggest blessing of his life, together with Sasuke. With tears streaming down his face, he hugged him tightly. As if he could ever abandon this being. Whoever said there was nothing perfect in this world had never seen their son Shisui.

The baby had soon fallen asleep in his arms. Itachi put him down in the crib again and made sure he was properly tucked in, warm, and comfortable. He kissed the baby's forehead. "Your dad needs me," he whispered. "Sleep well, my angel."

He approached the master bedroom again, swallowing hard. Now, for Sasuke's needs. He walked over to the bed, finding him nestled beneath the covers. Itachi slowly sat on the side, his hand touching the spikes of hair that were poking up. Sasuke's hair had really grown. As he turned around, his face became visible.

The younger boy looked up at him as he touched his hair. His spikes weren't exactly spikes anymore; they almost reached his shoulders. That didn't stop them from trying to defeat gravity though.  
He felt pretty insecure about his looks at the moment. He knew Itachi didn't like what he saw. A very skinny person with huge bags under his eyes. His skin didn't even look clean anymore. It was red and irritated, as if he had a rash.

"You've lost weight…" he commented, reaching up to touch Itachi's cheek. Seemed like he hadn't been eating well either. His hair had gotten longer too; some of his strands reached his waist.

Itachi lit a lamp on the bedside table and leaned down, his hand hardly touching Sasuke's skin, as if he was afraid he'd break him. Itachi couldn't help but smile sadly as he looked down at him. His big brother instincts had kicked in and he felt more secure now.

"You've lost weight as well," he commented with a slightly sharp edge to his tone. Not too strict, but still signaling to Sasuke that he would not get away with that, once things had stabilized between them.

He stroked his little brother's face, extra carefully on the bags under his eyes. "Are you hungry?" he said quietly. "I can bring you something."

Sasuke shook his head a bit. "No thanks. I already ate once today. If I eat more, I'll get sick," he mumbled and sat up in the bed.

Itachi sent a mild glare towards his brother. " _Once_? Why on earth would you get sick? Three times a day is the absolute minimum for someone of your size!" He sighed, deciding not to cause a fuss right now. But he made a mental note to start watching over Sasuke's meals and _to make sure_ , in bold and capital letters, that he ate. He made a second mental note to get his physical and mental state checked up. There were no maternity controls for men who had given birth, no matter how bloody and life-threatening the process had been. Men were not supposed to give birth at all.

With slow, secure movements, Itachi inspected Sasuke's hair, skin, and arms. He noticed the longer hair - it looked good on him. He frowned with worry when he carefully grabbed one of Sasuke's wrists, exposing it to the light. He saw the brownish bruises and cuts, going deep into the skin and overlapping each other in a highly unnatural pattern. He chose not to comment, since he didn't want to upset him anymore.

His brother let him inspect his body until he reached around his wrists. He didn't like that too much and ended up tugging back a bit. His wrists weren't the only places where he had those scars. He had a few on his side, loads on his thighs, and here and there on his legs.

Itachi finally let go of him and leaned down, looking deeply into his brother's eyes. "Do you remember what I taught you when our parents passed away?" he mumbled softly. "When the sky is darkest, you can see the stars even more clearly."

Sasuke rolled onto his side, facing away from Itachi again. He left a little room for him in case he wanted to join him for real.

"Stars are just burning gas. Eventually, they'll burn out... They're dying like the rest of us. Nothing lasts forever it seems."

* * *

**See you in the next chapter, thanks for reading! - Crystallinee**


	5. In No Condition To Love

_How did you go from being my best friend_  
_To me even barely wanting your affection?_  
_I never would've thought_  
_That I would be so unhappy_  
_I can't love you under these conditions_

_._

After Sasuke's last comment, Itachi couldn't help but chuckle lightly, despite the heavy mood in the room. "Foolish Otouto. It's a metaphor. It means that when everything seems hopeless and you've reached the very bottom, you see what's really important in your life. You learn to notice things you couldn't see when everything was fine. You find out who's really there for you."

He ignored Sasuke's back that was turned away from him and leaned over him, seeking eye contact but to no avail. "As I said, you don't have to forgive me. I can understand that. But I want you to know, Otouto, that you mean more to me than my own life."

Sasuke huffed and pulled the blanket over his head to hide from Itachi and the rest of the world. It was scaring him and he still wasn't feeling too well. "Itachi…" he started out, closing his eyes since everything was dark underneath the blanket anyway. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to say; he just felt the need to say something. Anything.

"We ran out of toilet paper," he added after a moment of awkward silence. His social skills were really rusty. Awkward. Even Itachi who hadn't been social at all for months was better at communicating than him.

Itachi was still amused by his lovely baby brother. Always the same, since he was a little kid. The Sasuke that was hiding awkwardly beneath the blankets now was just the same five-year-old Sasuke that used to pout his way through anything, always irresistible to Itachi.

"Then we better go shopping tomorrow," the elder answered calmly, smiling sadly. He surprised the younger by lying down behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist. This felt so strange. He had completely forgotten. Last time, they had been lying next to each other with Sasuke's baby bump between them. Now everything had changed. His heart was beating fast; the feeling of love was rushing through him. For some reason, he didn't want to sleep at all. He could sit up all night and watch his little brother sleep.

For months, they had been sitting on separate sides of a wall, separated by their own feelings. What a relief this was, as if he was finally able to breathe again. But they still had a long way to go. Itachi breathed calmly, as usual feeling completely calm and satisfied when he was able to feel and smell Sasuke. How he had missed this. The realization hurt.

Sasuke got a minor shock when he felt Itachi lay down behind him and then put his arms around his waist. He forced himself to calm down so his heart wouldn't beat so fast. Sometimes, he was actually afraid that Itachi could hear his heartbeat. He laid still, awkwardly, wondering if the other man would disappear. After a little while, he peeked out from the blanket to see if he had fallen asleep.

"Aren't you tired?" Sasuke asked and tilted his head a bit to get a better view of him. He was extremely tired himself and had a huge problem staying awake most of the time, but he didn't allow himself to sleep. He was too scared of the nightmares.

The elder shook his head as a reply and kept watching his brother closely, keeping track of his breathing. He noticed how tired Sasuke was and wondered why he just wouldn't fall asleep like usual. "What's wrong?" he inquired quietly.

The younger shook his head slightly. "Can't sleep" was the short explanation. He didn't feel like talking about the nightmares that haunted him, so instead, he cupped his brother's face and brought their lips together. Their first kiss in months. That should be good enough to distract both of them for a while, right? He wrapped his arms around his brother's neck and moved in closer, so that their bodies were pressed together.

Itachi was taken aback - he had secretly been aching to kiss him, but he knew he didn't deserve to feel those velvet lips against his own ever again. He couldn't believe that Sasuke still loved him after everything he had done to him. This must be a dream from within his sick mind. He closed his eyes, but when he opened them, Sasuke was still there in front of him, very much alive.

Itachi held his brother's face in his hands, looking into his eyes for a few moments before he started kissing him for real. He pressed their lips together, gently, over and over again, feeling his whole body react. He let his lips wander all over Sasuke's features - his nose, cheeks, eyelids, and forehead. Kissing him like it was the first time in years, as if he could kiss away all the pain, all the hurt and betrayal.

Then he wrapped his arms tightly around the thin form of his Otouto, keeping him close in a protective embrace. He rested Sasuke's head in the crook of his neck and kissed the top of his head once again. He knew his brother all too well.

"You can sleep now, Sasuke. Just relax, I'm here. Nothing will ever hurt you again."

Sasuke bit his lip, holding onto the fabric of Itachi's shirt. Itachi had no idea of the monsters that lived in Sasuke's unconscious mind, caused by a flood of stress and trauma. And no one had been there to chase them away, so they had grown in number. But on the other hand, he was painfully exhausted. Maybe he should give it a go?

Just this once. Itachi had always managed to make him feel safe and warm. Hopefully, this wouldn't be an exception. He looked up at his beautiful face one last time before closing his eyes. His hands were holding onto his brother's shirt with all his might; even if Itachi tried to escape, he would not be able to get away.

Now he just needed to fall asleep before he managed to scare himself too much. Okay, happy thoughts! Let's see: Shisui had smiled at him today after Sasuke had spilled some food on himself. It wasn't like him to do so, but when he suddenly recalled some painful memories, he had started trembling. At first he had been annoyed since the shirt had just come out of the dryer, but the smile had made it all worth it. Those little smiles really made his days.

Naruto had dropped by with plenty of groceries, so he wouldn't have to worry about Itachi or Shisui starving. That was good too. And of course, Itachi was lying next to him now – holding him for that matter.

The younger Uchiha slowly started drifting off in the arms of his brother. His breathing slowed down and his features softened, to the point where he looked like a small innocent child. His dark hair covered most of his face as he slept quietly. He shifted slightly and pulled the blanket closer around his skinny frame. It was hard to stay warm when you didn't have much fat on your body. At least that would explain why he was always freezing and had to wear Itachi's thick old sweaters.

xxxxxxxx

He fumbled around in the dark, unable to see anything. He couldn't even see his own hand, which was outstretched in front of him. He used his hand to follow the cold concrete wall. Hopefully, it'd end up bringing him to the exit, if there was one.

It felt as if he had been walking around for ages. His legs were tired and threatening to give up on him. He hissed and pulled his hand close to his chest when he felt something sharp come in contact with his palm. He could feel the blood trickle and hear the droplets hit the floor. They echoed.

When Sasuke finally found something that felt similar to a doorknob, he was beyond relieved. Now he could finally leave the darkness and go home. Right? He slowly turned the doorknob before pushing the door open.  
Another room… He placed his hand on the door frame, sucking in a deep breath. He could do it. He had just taken a few steps into the room before the floor gave in with a loud crash, and he fell down screaming.

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It had been a while since Sasuke had started to shift uncomfortably in his sleep. His otherwise peaceful expression had been replaced with a frown. His hold on Itachi's shirt tightened drastically, until his knuckles turned white. He was probably suffocating him a tiny bit by now, thrashing around and whimpering slightly.

Holding his breath in his sleep, he managed to twist and turn his body while clenching and unclenching his hands desperately. He lay like that for a few minutes before he suddenly sucked in a deep breath.

xxxxxxxx

He was terrified. He could only hope that his death would be quick and that hitting the bottom wouldn't hurt too much. If it was concrete, wouldn't his neck snap so quickly that he wouldn't feel a thing? If it was water, maybe a storming cold sea… for how long would he struggle before he gave in?

He was still screaming as he fell. Trying to grip onto something, anything that would save him from his cruel destiny. The feeling in his stomach was worse, as if he had left it all the way up there and was falling down without it.

He couldn't die here. Who was supposed to take care of Shisui when he was gone?

A loud splash was heard as he hit the surface of an underground lake. He landed right on his stomach, which successfully knocked all of the air out of him and crushed his ribs. He sank to the dark, slimy bottom… His mind was quickly going hazy due to the lack of oxygen. His lungs were screaming at him.

_Was he going to die..?_

Sasuke's breathing had come to a very sudden end, almost as if he was actually drowning. When he came to his senses again, he was lying on the shore with a certain someone hovering over him. Though he couldn't see him, he recognized the smell of ramen. "Nar-"

A hot tongue was shoved into his mouth and his hands were pinned above his head. To his horror, he found himself kissing the blond boy back rather... eagerly. Hands were touching all over his body, which now felt all hot and needy. He felt Naruto's hands slip into his pants and underneath his waistband. He couldn't help himself and moaned into the kiss.

_Something growled back._

For a long moment, the two of them were frozen in place, as though neither one of them was sure of what they just heard. But then they heard it again: a deep, sort of rumbling growl that made them untangle in an instant and stand up.

He felt a hand close over his forearm, but that was the only movement he felt from Naruto at his side. Naruto didn't want them to get separated in the dark, which was probably a wise move. So he dislodged Naruto's hand on his arm, only to grip the hand tightly in his own, and made a few careful tugging motions to tell Naruto which way they were going and that they would be going fast. Naruto's own grip tightened in response, and Sasuke could only hope that meant that Naruto understood. He slowly tapped the back of Naruto's hand three times, and on the third, took off as fast as he could.

_It was chasing them._

And he couldn't push that picture out of his mind: that whatever was chasing them had red eyes, strange lines underneath them, and long, beautifully flowing black hair.

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Itachi held Sasuke tight in his arms and smiled softly, as he saw how his little brother slowly relaxed and his features became peaceful. He gently stroked his hair. Nothing could ever change what he felt for him, no matter how many months of isolation, Narutos or raging emotions that tried to keep them apart. His heart bled for Sasuke. He tucked Sasuke in carefully and moved closer to warm him when he saw the goose bumps on his skin.

Then he noticed that his little brother suddenly seemed very distressed in his sleep, by his nervous shifting and the frown present on his face. Itachi felt worry wash over him again. It was clear that his mind was being crowded by dark nightmares.

Sasuke mumbled inaudibly in his sleep, his body thrashing violently on the bed as if he wanted to run away. His eyelids fluttered, and his hands were almost tearing the fabric apart. Itachi was leaning over him, trying desperately to find a way to soothe him. But the sudden moan that he let out made Itachi freeze. Then that same distress took over again and he started trembling.

Itachi was confused, not really knowing how to handle his brother. But eventually, he decided to carefully sit up and take one of Sasuke's hands in his own, softly singing a lullaby to him. The same lullaby he had been singing from the day Sasuke was born. He didn't know how much time passed, but he sang with that same calm, convincing, and soft voice. He sang, slowly stroking Sasuke's hair.

"Nii-san is here," he added in between the singing, while holding his brother's hand. "I won't let anyone harm you or Shisui. You will be safe with me." After a while, he slowly kissed his brother's lips; it was a long and sensitive kiss in which he really took the time to feel and taste the plumpness of his dry lips.

If only he could regain Sasuke's trust. If Sasuke had trusted him, he would have been sleeping peacefully right now. If Itachi had trusted himself, this would've never happened. He would give everything he could, do everything he possibly could to make Sasuke trust him again. It would be his mission in life.

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Sasuke had just been about to reach the scariest part of his dream when he heard something. It wasn't a growl this time. It was someone singing to him? He looked around in the darkness, trying to locate where the sound had come from. Naruto's scent had disappeared and been replaced with Itachi's. Suddenly, he did not feel threatened anymore. He felt safe.

The singing ceased as Sasuke became aware of the fact that Naruto had somehow morphed into his brother.

"Nii-san is here," Itachi repeated over and over again, holding his brother's hand. His face looked happy, well-nourished, and worry-free. "I won't let anyone harm you or Shisui. You will be safe with me."

Sasuke was about to comment on it when he felt a pair of soft lips on his own. As he kissed him back in his dream, he slowly regained consciousness. Not realizing that, he simply continued to kiss his brother, wanting this dream to last much longer. He wrapped his arms around his neck to keep him close. He didn't want him to disappear again.

As Itachi kept on kissing him, he was surprised when the kiss was suddenly returned, lips moving against his own with passion. He was touched. Sasuke's arms around his neck were making his emotions blossom; he felt... almost something close to happiness. He wrapped his arms around Sasuke and lifted him up in his lap, holding him bridal style with his head leaning against his shoulder. He rocked Sasuke slowly, as if he was a very small child, his brotherly instincts stronger than anything else.

He smelled his unique scent: the scent in his hair and skin that belonged only to his baby brother. "You're brave," he whispered softly. "My brave Otouto..."

All he ever wanted was to get closer to Sasuke, like they had been before. Skin against skin, heart by heart. Whatever it took, he was going to chase his nightmares away.

If Itachi had the courage to keep facing himself and Sasuke like this, there was a possibility they'd get back to the way it was before. Sasuke could rest in his safe arms for all eternity, he didn't mind.

The younger boy nuzzled his face into the heat of Itachi's neck. He was so nice and warm. For once, he wasn't freezing his butt off. And finally, the hole in his heart had been filled. At least for now. He couldn't understand how he could ever have been without Itachi for more than a few hours. It just seemed completely insane in retrospect.

Itachi smiled. "You're the bravest person I know, Sasuke. You never gave up, you kept on fighting. You went through all this, an entire pregnancy and delivering a child…" He shook his head in disbelief. "I am mind blown."

It reminded Sasuke of when he had found out he was pregnant. He had an anxiety attack after having attempted to hide it from Itachi for about a month or two.

_**Ten months earlier** _

He locked the bathroom door securely behind him before discarding his shirt. He stepped in front of the mirror, turning sideways to get a better view.

The pregnancy test he had taken about a month ago hadn't been lying. He had a very small bump on his stomach, not very prominent yet, but it was still visible if you looked for it. It looked as if he had been eating a bit too much.

When he first noticed the abnormality on his usually flat stomach, he thought it was some kind of bloating. But when it didn't disappear after several weeks and then when he started getting terrible morning sickness, he started worrying for real. He had hid it from Itachi in order to not make him worry. He blamed it on food poisoning.

He had heard about stomach tumors and internal bleedings but had tried not to worry. He hadn't given Itachi a chance to discover the bump though, knowing he'd force him to get it checked. When they had sex, he had made sure to not be on top, and would rather satisfy Itachi than the other way around, in order to not draw any attention to his stomach. He could live with that.

He bit his lip worriedly. No… It just wasn't possible. Men couldn't get pregnant. Ugh... Why had he even taken that stupid test? It just made him worry more and overthink the situation. He knew the basic symptoms. But the absence of a uterus should have made it impossible. He wouldn't have even considered taking the test if Naruto hadn't kept on joking about him being pregnant. He was probably just getting fat. He should start training some more tomorrow.

Or why not today? He glanced at the closed door as his hand tightened around the new unused pregnancy test, and let it slip back into his pocket.


	6. No Guiding Light (Remembrance)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to our dearest beta May for your great help with corrections, suggestions and help whenever I got stuck during editing.

_**10 months earlier** _

Itachi was sitting in their living room with a couple of friends from work. Sasori and Deidara were tightly intertwined on the couch, making out. Hidan hissed at them to get a room but was continuously ignored.

Itachi looked over his shoulder, worried. He glanced at the hallway where Sasuke had disappeared to. The younger Uchiha had been acting weird lately, as if he was on pins and needles. He reacted strongly to all kinds of situations and was constantly fidgeting, as if he was very nervous. It was strange since he didn't have anything particular to worry about, and usually he was not the hyper type. And now he had excused himself, after keeping them company for barely half an hour. Just because of some stupid comment Deidara had made...

Just a couple of minutes earlier, while Deidara and Sasori were making out in the most explicit manner possible on the couch, basically glued to each other, Hidan had lost his shit. "Hey blondie, when will the baby arrive?" he had laughed at the couple.

Sasori had turned his pair of dead eyes towards Hidan with an empty glare, but Deidara got utterly offended. "I think there's a bigger chance of _them_ having one, un," the blond exclaimed and pointed at Itachi and Sasuke, who were sitting on the opposite couch. Itachi had his arm around Sasuke's shoulders, and the younger boy leaned his head against his chest, utterly bored. Itachi reached down to kiss the tip of his nose the second Deidara had blurted out his comment.

Itachi and Sasuke had recently come out with their relationship, and it had received a lot of reactions from the rest of Akatsuki. Everyone knew that they were inseparable.

"Deidei," Sasori warned, but the blond man just sent Hidan an implicative look, winking. Sasuke had tensed up, which was strange. Normally he'd hiss something rude back, but now he was just looking utterly uncomfortable.

Itachi remained calm and relaxed, laughing dismissingly. "We aren't quite there yet. It's enough with all the cats we've planned to adopt. Although we've thought about adopting later -" But to his surprise, Sasuke had stood up without sparing a glance at anyone and excused himself, before promptly leaving the room. Itachi was left feeling uneasy.

xxx

Sasuke ruffled his hair a bit; it was a habit he had when he was restless. Maybe he should work out right now. It would probably make him feel better. He found his sportswear and quickly changed into it. It was all very tight-fitting, which bothered him a lot since he felt so fat. He looked in the mirror one last time before quietly leaving the bathroom, and entered the living room. He needed to get past them to get his shoes.

Itachi looked up when he heard the door open, feeling confused when he heard Sasuke's next statement.

"I'm going for a run. Sorry guys," he excused himself. He shot a glare at Deidara, daring him to make another pregnancy comment. He'd probably murder him next time. It was a huge insult after all.

He approached the couch quickly and placed a light kiss on Itachi's cheek, before making his way to the front door, where he found his shoes.

His older brother tried to get eye contact as he stood up and followed Sasuke to the hallway. "Otouto, I didn't know you were going to leave now. Do you want me to come with you?" As the reply took time, he instinctively felt that something was wrong. "Sasuke, is everything alright?" he asked, slightly worried as he watched the younger defiantly put on his shoes.

From the living room, they could hear Deidara's loud, obnoxious voice: "He's trying to get in shape to get better in bed, keep him!" and Hidan's rough laughter. Itachi turned around and narrowed his eyes in a warning manner. He could understand Sasuke's annoyance. Sasori was a good friend of his, but his boyfriend was such a nuisance.

Sasuke glanced up at him through his thick eyelashes. He nodded quickly. "Yeah, everything is fine. I just feel like exercising a bit. I've been eating so much lately." He frowned. That was a clear understatement; he had emptied the house of all edible things several times. Even the stuff he didn't like! Everything had suddenly become edible and it scared him.

"Shut up Hidan!" he yelled over his shoulder angrily, before throwing one of his shoes after Hidan's head, narrowly missing. What a shame. "God, I hate him. And Deidara too… Do they have to be here?" He knew it was an unfair request, but he couldn't help himself.

Itachi sighed. He immediately realized that Sasuke was hiding something from him. A frown settled between his eyebrows. Maybe Sasuke was anxious about his weight? Not that there was anything wrong with it; it was ridiculous of Sasuke to think that it would change Itachi's opinion of him in the slightest. He would have to have a serious talk with him tonight, and make him understand just how perfect he was...

He grabbed Sasuke's wrist. "Otouto, don't leave right now. I'll just send our guests away, and we'll go out together, alright? You know they only came here to discuss the mission."

From behind, they could hear Hidan's and Deidara's loud, noisy voices: "What's it called if two men have kids? Daddy and 'do-you'?" They laughed at their own jokes.

Itachi turned towards them. "Hidan, Deidara, I'm afraid you have to leave. Right now." He had his firmest, don't-fuck-with-me tone that everyone respected.

"What? Don't be so boring, un!" Deidara loudly protested.

"You need to go." Itachi glared at them. Sasori got the hint and grabbed his boyfriend. "Dei, we should leave."

Sasuke bit his lip and placed a hand on his stomach. Stupid fat… And stupid Deidara and Hidan for talking about babies. He wasn't having a baby! He was just fat, that's all. He stuck out his tongue at Deidara as the guests left the house, before wriggling out of Itachi's arms to head outside. He couldn't let himself be tempted by Itachi's sweet words. He needed exercise, not food.

He sat down on the grass to stretch his body, so he wouldn't strain himself in any possible way. Maybe later tonight, he and Itachi could 'exercise' a bit together? Well, it all depended on how good he'd feel about his body after the workout.

Itachi hated the distance he felt between them. He followed Sasuke outside and placed his hands on his hips in his most big-brotherly way. He stood right in front of him in the front yard, signaling that he could forget all about leaving until he had heard him out.

"Otouto. We are going to talk right here and now. We could do it inside if you'd prefer, but either way, you are going to tell me exactly what's going on before I let you leave. What is bothering you - is it Naruto or any of your other friends? You're not your usual self. You've been acting strangely for a while now, and I demand to know why so I can help you out."

His voice softened, trying to seek eye contact with the stubborn, slightly childish boy in front of him. "I know it isn't easy growing up, but I am right here for you Sasuke. You don't need to be your happiest self all the time, and that is okay. But we are going to work this out. I know this isn't just about the Akatsuki or your eating habits - yes I've noticed, and I need you to know how much it doesn't matter."

Sasuke looked at him with an innocent expression. He cupped his brother's cheeks and kissed his lips softly. "Oh, you demand? Thought we kept that inside the bedroom," he teased softly. He moved a bit closer to Itachi before letting his hands go lower, to his waist. He kept a bit of distance between them so their stomachs wouldn't be pressed up against each other.

"Nothing is bothering me though. I just want to stay in shape, that's all." He nuzzled his nose into Itachi's neck before kissing the junction by his shoulder and neck. He knew it was a soft spot.

"You worry too much. Careful or you'll get wrinkles. Then I'll start calling you old man." He didn't know why he had chosen the teasing approach, but hopefully, it was working. A cheerful Sasuke often resulted in a happy Itachi. "Luckily for you, I love you no matter what."

The wrinkle between Itachi's eyes remained, but although he quickly realized what Sasuke was trying to do, he couldn't keep himself from giving in to him. Sasuke was his biggest weakness. When his brother kissed him, all determination disappeared. His hands met Sasuke's as they approached his waist, and that, in combination with his teasing words, was almost too much. He gave up on making Sasuke tell him what was going on, and let it be for now.

"Your butt will be all wrinkly. Wrinkly butt!" Even though it was uncharacteristic of the younger Uchiha to be this playful, he still enjoyed it. He actually felt like being a bit childish and play around now. Anything to make Itachi believe everything was fine.

"You better watch your dirty mouth, Otouto," the elder warned amusedly as he returned the kiss. He wrapped his arms around the younger's waist and gave him short, but passionate kisses. He moved Sasuke against the side of the house, gently trapping him between the wall and himself.

"Or else?" the younger boy teased, leaning back against the wall as much as possible so they wouldn't be pressed together. He hoped it wasn't noticeable.

"In the bedroom, you demand and I give. But outside of it, we both know who's in charge," Itachi said softly. He raised his eyebrows slightly. "And why would you even need to exercise; don't we burn enough calories each night?"

He didn't give his brother time to answer as he was in a happy mood again, taking his face between his hands and catching his plump bottom lip between his own. He bit down on it gently. "Yes, luckily for me," he whispered into Sasuke's ear, his voice soft as velvet, "I know you will love me for all time, even when I'm an old man with wrinkles."

Sasuke looked up at him defiantly and raised his knee to come in contact with Itachi's crotch. He rubbed against it slightly.

When his groin was stimulated, Itachi held back a slight groan. Sasuke was such a goddamn tease. The reason he ended up destroying the bed at night sometimes was because Sasuke was always so mischievous, teasing him until he lost it.

The younger brother ducked underneath Itachi's arms and snuck around. He smacked his butt teasingly before creating some distance between them again.

The mixed signals Sasuke sent when he suddenly backed off were so unlike him. If he wanted it, he would tease Itachi and get closer and closer, until they both lost control. Or if he had had a bad day, he wouldn't bother teasing him at all and they wouldn't do anything.

What was this? It threw Itachi back into his previous mood and he got slightly suspicious, as well as worried. What if Sasuke's feelings had started to fade? The thought was hard to grasp and even harder to imagine. But now that Sasuke had started this, he would not get away.

He spun around and took the younger in his arms, gently pressing him up against the wall again. He was not done with him just yet. "I appreciate the attention you give my butt," he said quietly and seriously, "but here in broad daylight, we should mind our manners, don't you think Otouto? Speaking of which, what do you say about having a 'special' session tonight?"

Sasuke honestly hadn't really thought about the consequences of his teasing, especially since he had done everything he could to hide his stomach lately. The playful facade finally came off and his eyes darted towards the ground. He had done something bad, and now Itachi wasn't happy with him. They both knew they couldn't be intimate outside their home.

"Oh…" he mumbled, suddenly feeling a bit emotional. He ruffled his hair and kept his eyes on the ground by his feet. "Special session? What do you mean?" His voice was still quiet, and it actually sounded as if he was about to cry, due to the sudden overload of emotions. This wasn't going well at all. Moreover, he was getting nauseous again.

Itachi's heart dropped when he noticed that Sasuke seemed to be hurt by his words. He had only meant to make him happy. He lifted Sasuke's chin, trying to look into his eyes, but the younger kept looking at the ground.

"Otouto, I wasn't going to punish you," he reassured him softly. "But I can't make you happy or give you what you need if you don't tell me what you're feeling. You need to stop hiding it from me. All I want is to make it right again, but I don't know why you are acting this way. It's like you're constantly putting up a guard nowadays; it's not like how you used to be. It's not the Otouto I know."

Itachi pulled him closer to embrace him, but froze when he felt something hard press against his belly. It took him some minutes to realize that it was Sasuke's stomach, but it felt very, very strange. His tummy wasn't soft like you would've expected of someone who supposedly had put on weight; instead, it was tense and stretched, like pressing his belly against a football. Worried about his brother's well-being, Itachi took a step back.

It didn't take Sasuke long to realize why Itachi had backed off. He had just discovered what Sasuke had spent weeks trying to hide. Even he knew it didn't feel like fat as much as he wanted it to be. Sure, it was a bit soft if you poked it hard enough, but otherwise - no.

"Sorry..." he mumbled. He wasn't quite sure what he was apologizing for though. For having a swollen stomach due to unknown causes? "I was gonna tell you about it… sooner or later. But I'm fine, really. It doesn't hurt? So can we just ignore the fact that I look like a whale?"

Itachi was more than shocked. "Why didn't you tell me earlier, Sasuke? This looks like..." He was distressed and really concerned. What if he had a tumor or something? It wasn't impossible. Stomach tumors had to be removed as quickly as possible. He felt upset and scared – his Otouto must be in a lot of pain!

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt? We have to get you to the hospital and get that checked up as soon as possible! This is clearly not normal, Sasuke. The sooner we fix this, the better."

"No!" the younger immediately protested and backed up. He didn't want to go to the hospital. He wasn't in any pain, and he sort of knew better.

"It's just bloated, that's all. I don't feel any pa -" He had to interrupt himself. He suddenly pushed past him and went inside. He ran to the bathroom, where he emptied his stomach of all its contents while clinging onto the toilet seat.

What if he was actually pregnant? Neither of them wanted to have kids right now, and Sasuke wasn't sure if he ever wanted them. And what would Itachi think? Not to mention the rest of Konoha? How could this happen to him? His logical senses screamed at him to shut up, while his fear and instincts told him otherwise.

Itachi followed after him, getting more freaked out by the minute. He crouched down by Sasuke's side and held up his hair while he vomited.

"Otouto," he said, once Sasuke had finished throwing up. "I highly doubt this is just a matter of indigestion. Have you had any blood coming out? We are going to leave right now and go to the emergency room."

"No! It's nothing dangerous, I told you!" Sasuke was more stubborn than ever.

Worried, Itachi put his spiky bangs behind his ears and wet a towel that he used to dampen his sweaty face. He noticed that Sasuke was very pale; he looked sick. Heavy worries were clouding Itachi's mind.

"At least let me examine you." He was not an expert, but his father had made him study medicine for a couple of years. "For how long have you been like this?"

Sasuke flushed the toilet and leaned back against Itachi. He allowed Itachi to hold the damp towel against his face. He turned his face away from his brother as he spoke, out of common courtesy. He probably had terrible bad breath by now. Everything was such a mess.

"A while... About a month, I suppose? But my stomach wasn't as big back then…" he sighed. "I don't want to go to the hospital, I really don't." It was more or less a permission to let Itachi examine him. Reluctantly, he pulled off his shirt since he knew Itachi would probably want him to do it sooner or later. He was extremely nervous. What was he going to do if it didn't turn out to be fat after all?

Itachi picked his brother up and carried him to the living room, where he carefully put him down on the couch in a lying position. "Why haven't you said anything?" he muttered under his breath, knowing there was no use in fussing. "I'll take a look at you and see if we can stay at home instead." He had a frown deeply carved into his facial features.

He started examining the belly, gently squeezing the tense part and watching Sasuke's reaction. He was still pale, and his eyes showed how afraid he was.

"Does it hurt?" Itachi asked and let his fingers gently touch the skin, looking for unusual hard spots. "Let me know if any spot hurts more."

His hands traveled down, gently tapping his abdomen and moving to the waistband of Sasuke's pants. He briefly thought about how bizarre the situation was. If he hadn't been so worried and if Sasuke hadn't been so pale, he would've offered to 'examine' his other parts as well...

He moved around his back to feel his spine and then up towards his nipples again. How strange. They looked as if they were slightly swollen, engorged. Was he having some kind of infection maybe? His entire body seemed affected.

The area right above his crotch was where the hard lump was located. It was a round, rather big area around his belly button, and it poked out in a very symmetrical way, not at all like a tumor. But Itachi was going to take the safe route and demand that he get an x-ray, once he had talked him into going to the hospital. His fingers squeezed and pinched it gently, realizing that it was soft after all.

Sasuke laid still and closed his eyes to focus on the sensation. He didn't want to miss anything, because watching Itachi had distracted him from thinking clearly.

"It doesn't hurt… It feels a bit uncomfortable though?" He figured that was somewhat normal since Itachi was poking his stomach. He opened his eyes again to meet Itachi's worried ones. "Can you feel anything?" he asked nervously. He let his hand run down over his stomach. He spotted a few stretch marks by his side and immediately felt a whole lot worse. He knew he couldn't train those away, sadly.

"If I can feel anything... it just feels very tense, but it's not your bowels. It's something else." Itachi tried his hardest to find an explanation, anything that could explain this strange situation. But when he took a step back, he noticed that Sasuke was in a rather good shape overall. He had put on a little bit of weight, but it was almost unnoticeable. Still, it couldn't explain how a strange bump was poking up from his otherwise flat stomach. The stretch marks suggested that his body wasn't ready to handle that change either; it had happened relatively quickly.

He put his hands on the swollen area again and gently added some pressure, watching Sasuke carefully to find any traces of pain on his face.

Then he felt an extremely faint movement against his hands. Itachi's eyes widened. He froze as strange chills of fear rushed through him. Sasuke was lying completely still; nothing had moved.

But just as well, Sasuke had felt something stir inside of him. Needless to say, it freaked him out and it actually sort of hurt.

"That… hurt," he admitted. Maybe it was something Itachi had done? But then the movement was repeated, and this time, Itachi wasn't moving at all. He actually resembled a wax figure by now.

Sasuke placed his hand on his stomach and rubbed the area that had been hurting. It almost felt as if someone had kicked him from inside, but without force. Maybe they should go to the hospital anyway, because Itachi seemed lost and now potentially scarred for life. If anyone needed urgent medical care, it seemed to be him.

Sasuke focused on what it was he had felt. It was a very slight movement, utterly soft and bubbling. Like a butterfly's wings against his skin.

Itachi awakened from his trance when Sasuke complained about pain, and he watched him rub his stomach. He suddenly grabbed Sasuke's wrists and stilled them. "Don't move," he said, almost not getting enough air in his lungs to form the words.

He sat between Sasuke's legs on the couch, leaning forward and placing his head on his belly, utterly carefully.

What the hell was going on? He should call some of his friends. Konan was a doctor, and her husband was the head of the local hospital. Hopefully, they could explain this.

But the soft tumbling movement was repeated, and Itachi couldn't help but gasp. His hands were trembling slightly. "Otouto..."

Sasuke wondered if he should tell Itachi about the pregnancy test he had taken a while ago. But he wasn't sure whether that'd be useful, or if it'd just freak him out even more to the point that Sasuke would have to drive him to the emergency room for psychosis patients.

He watched him intensely as Itachi placed his head on his stomach to listen to it. "This is bad, isn't it?" he asked with a grimace. The thing inside of him – he had to accept that whatever it was that had taken control of his abdomen was not his own tissue - had suddenly become very active. He guessed that whatever it was, it didn't liked being prodded at.

Maybe it was some kind of giant parasite that had invaded his intestines? He paled considerably at the thought.

Itachi was just as pale as his brother, stern and shocked. He picked up his cell phone and quickly dialed his friend, Pein. Konan promised to come as quickly as she could.

"I don't know if this is bad, but we are going to fix this," he promised sternly. He put a hand on Sasuke's forehead. "I really don't like this, Otouto."

xxx

Ten minutes later, Konan entered the room, followed by a stern-looking Tsunade. She was the doctor in charge - she handled the most difficult cases, like fatal operations and pregnancies with difficult complications. The blonde woman's eyes narrowed when she saw Sasuke draped on the couch, shirtless, and drinking tomato juice from a straw. Itachi sat beside him, sweating and pale.

Tsunade just took one look at Sasuke's stomach before she shook her head disapprovingly.

"What is it?" Itachi questioned. His slightly trembling voice gave his nervousness away.

"Konan, check the book for the list of bowel parasites," she said sternly. Itachi didn't know if he should be relieved or not.

Konan hurriedly nodded and started going through a thick book she was carrying in her bag. Tsunade confidently walked over to Sasuke and started prodding at his belly, squeezing in a rougher manner than Itachi had. Her eyes narrowed even more when she noticed the stretch marks, the otherwise well-shaped body, and the bump that looked so misplaced on that masculine body.

"Tsunade, I can't find anything with these symptoms," Konan began, obviously worried.

"Have you had any abnormal bleedings?" Tsunade ignored Itachi's question and spoke directly to Sasuke. "Or rather, any lack of bleedings?"

"He was born a male," Itachi interfered sternly. Tsunade ignored him again. "Any nausea? Tiredness? Certain cravings or mood swings? Vomiting? Blood in the urine?"

Sasuke just blinked at her stupidly. Should he feel insulted? He should totally feel insulted. His voice was sharp; he didn't care if he sounded rude. "I'm not a woman, and I'm pretty sure you just listed all the symptoms of a pregnancy. Newsflash, I don't have a uterus and therefore cannot carry a child."

He took a deep breath. How annoying... "But yes, I've been feeling nauseous and tired. I eat whatever I feel like… which is pretty much everything. I don't know about mood swings. Don't think so," he trailed off. He was good at hiding his nervousness. Actually as he spoke, he was starting to feel a little nauseous again. He emptied the glass of tomato juice, desperately hoping it'd keep it at bay.

Tsunade leaned back, her hands on her hips. "Blood in the urine is a serious medical condition and isn't part of a normal pregnancy," she snapped.

Itachi turned his dark upset eyes to her. As usual, he was overthinking and analyzing everything thoroughly. "So this isn't... normal? What are you trying to say, Tsunade-san?"

She turned her cinnamon-colored eyes towards him. "I have yet to make a statement about that, Itachi-kun."

She turned to her patient again. "Sasuke, I know you are not a female – it's highly obvious," she said. "But what's more obvious, is what your body is going through. You have something in you that your body is reacting strongly to and is possibly also trying to reject." She put a sharp nail to his chin, lifting his pale face.

"Uterus or not, your body is currently hosting something." She put her other hand on his stomach and felt a slight movement. "I need to take some tests before I can confirm what exactly it is." Her eyes narrowed at Sasuke again.

Chills ran down his spine as she told him that he was hosting something. That did not sound pleasant at all. Actually, it scared the hell out of him. He pushed her hand away and got up from the couch.

"Excuse me for a second..." he mumbled, before leaving them for the bathroom.

But instead of puking as one would've expected, he just stood in front of the mirror. He knew he had hidden an extra pregnancy test somewhere. Maybe he should try it? He opened the cabinet and rummaged through it to find the well-hidden package. He made sure to lock the door before he put it to use.

As he sat and waited for the empty little square to show the result, his mind wandered. If it was positive, he'd probably have to tell them. As much as it bothered him. What kind of tests would Tsunade perform on him? Taking a deep breath, feeling his entire body tremble with fear and anxiety, he saw the little symbol appear.

Tsunade sat down on the couch, a concerned frown present on her face. She looked at Konan, who shared her current mood. "Have you ever encountered something like this before?" she asked her.

"Never," was the reply.

"Itachi, I need to talk about this with you. I have some questions to ask," Tsunade said as Sasuke went to the bathroom.

"Anything," Itachi said. He was feeling distant, still in shock and in denial. This just could not be happening - how? How could Sasuke be hosting another form of life? A parasite? How? The thought was disgusting: that his poor little Otouto had to suffer through this.

She looked directly at him. "Have you and Sasuke ever had unprotected sex?"

Itachi was far too worried to even be faintly embarrassed. "Yes."

Konan started taking notes. Tsunade kept her poker face. "When was the last time you did it?"

"Almost two weeks ago," came the immediate reply.

"Are either of you positive for any sexually transmitted diseases?"

"No. We've had ourselves tested."

"I see. Have either of you had sexual intercourse with someone who may be positive?"

"Not... that I know of." Itachi felt slightly doubtful for the first time. "I haven't, but I don't know about Sasuke. I don't think he has."

"So there is a possibility that Sasuke has a virus." Tsunade nodded to herself. "How often do you have unprotected sex?"

Itachi's Sharingan activated. "What is the meaning of this?" he growled, feeling his patience run out.

Tsunade stood up, not at all bothered by him. "I have to leave now, but stop by my office and I'll run the necessary blood tests on Sasuke. Konan can tell you where you can find me. In the meantime..."

She threw a bag of condoms on the coffee table. "These have a function. Use them."


	7. Second To None

_**Ten months earlier** _

Positive. Again. He didn't want to believe it.

But one thing Sasuke was absolutely positive of. He was in really deep fucking trouble.

He wasn't sure whether he'd rather have a parasite or an actual baby inside of him. Both seemed pretty bad to him – not to mention terrified him - and he doubted Itachi would be pleased either. Sure, they had talked about adopting a cat, but this was something entirely different.

Deidara had been right to assume he was pregnant, even though the stupid idiot had the intelligence of a goldfish. Sasuke hated it when others proved themselves right.

He looked down at the test again before slowly walking up to the bathroom door, just in time to hear Tsunade excuse herself. He waited a bit to make sure they had left, before opening the door. He kept the test behind his back so it wouldn't be the first thing Itachi saw. He really hoped his brother wouldn't freak out about this. But only hoped – he knew he shouldn't set his expectations very high.

"Itachi, we need to talk." He took a slightly trembling breath. He tried to seem confident, but it wasn't really working that well. He walked up closer to his brother so he could look him in the eyes as they spoke.

Itachi looked up at him as he approached. The elder's worry was soon exchanged with a sense of fear.

Sasuke was nervous and tense. Should he just hand it over or..? How do you break such news to your significant other..? Maybe he should just go for it. He didn't have much of an option either way.

"I think I'm pregnant," he blurted out awkwardly. His cheeks turned red as he showed him the pregnancy test. "I'm sorry!"

The second Sasuke opened his mouth to deliver his message, the world started to spin in strange patterns for the older raven-haired brother. Itachi was taken aback; all the oxygen left his lungs, and he felt his vision blacken for some moments. When he reminded himself to take a breath and forcefully pressed oxygen back into his lungs, he stared emotionlessly at the pregnancy test in Sasuke's hand. Then back to Sasuke's red cheeks and eyes that were ashamed, as if the younger boy knew he had done something wrong.

It wasn't a joke.

And when Itachi's sharp brain put all the pieces together, it all made such horrifying sense. First, how the fuck was this even possible? The fear came creeping faster, like a train that hit his face with enormous force.

Parasite. Something was living inside of Sasuke's body, something very real and moving, making highly unnatural changes to it. And it had been put there by Itachi himself, obviously.

He should have known he was to blame for this.

A taste of something bitter, almost poisonous, rested in Itachi's mouth. When he looked at the boy in front of him, the emotions burned. Fear, disgust at himself, worry, panic, anxiety, guilt and total shock. It took him almost ten minutes before he could produce an audible sound.

What was his reaction? If they had been a normal couple, he would have been expected to pick up his partner of the _opposite gender_ in his arms and ask for her hand, over-joyed about the current situation. But that wasn't quite his reaction. He snatched the test from his brother's hand and examined it closely, as if he thought the result would change if he squeezed it hard enough.

Wordlessly, he pushed down his brother to lie on the couch again, as if it would keep him safe from whatever monstrous thing had invaded their lives. Then he went to the bathroom and quickly located the user manual that came with the pregnancy test as he called Tsunade up with his free hand.

This thing had to go away. Itachi could hear that poison in his voice leak out as he talked to the doctor, hissing in a dangerously low tone and demanding her to do something - _anything_ \- to get it out and make Sasuke's body go back to normal again. Erase, rewind the tape.

"I don't care what it takes. Make it disappear. I won't let Sasuke be hurt by this thing," he hissed into the phone as he moved around in the house like a swirling hurricane. If Sasuke tried to move, he would send him a glare that meant _Don't move, Nii-san will fix this._

Well... Itachi hadn't exploded, but his reaction was still worse than what Sasuke had expected. A tiny, tiny part of him had hoped that his lover would have been happy about the news. He was going to be a father after all. But apparently, he'd been wrong.

After Itachi had walked into the bathroom, Sasuke followed him to listen by the door. He heard his hissing and growling despite Itachi's voice being very quiet. It hurt surprisingly much to hear him say such things. After a short while, he hurried back to the couch before Itachi came back out. He sat completely still so his brother wouldn't glare at him again.

Itachi had lost control of his sanity; he felt like an upset and furious animal. He continued: "...and it has to happen quickly!" before he pushed the "end-call" button aggressively. The hatred he felt for himself was overwhelming.

Sasuke wanted to reach out to him and make him sit down. He was only making his nervousness worse, and he also felt extremely guilty. He shouldn't have told him.

"Itachi..." he tried. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to," he forced out. He knew it was a stupid thing to say since they obviously had created the child together, but still. It was his body that had chosen to carry a child. So in a way, it was indeed his fault.

Itachi seemed to calm down a bit. He approached his brother and embraced him, extremely carefully, and tried his very best to make his brother feel safe somehow. Despite this unnatural parasite he had infected him with.

"Don't apologize, Sasuke," he said and forced himself to keep somewhat calm. "This isn't your fault. Tomorrow we are going to the hospital. Tsunade is ready." He let go of his Otouto and asked, "Are you in pain?"

Sasuke pushed him away slightly. He was far from comfortable in this situation.

"Itachi, I don't think you understand." He turned around on the couch to face him properly. He let his fingers play with Itachi's long hair. "It's a baby, obviously. Not a parasite. And as unexpected as it is, it's _our_ _child_."

Sure, he didn't exactly want a baby but he didn't want to kill it either. This might be his only chance to actually have a child with Itachi. How often could this happen?

"I'm feeling okay; it's not hurting me. Try to loosen up a bit." He sighed, slightly annoyed, and lay back down on the couch.

It was a little Uchiha. Flesh and blood and nothing could change that. They could give it up for adoption once it was born, but he didn't want to think about that just yet. Actually, he didn't ever want to think about it. But what if it was not healthy?

Itachi didn't know what to say or do, nor which approach was the best one in this situation. "Otouto, listen to me..." But for once, the arguments got stuck in his throat. "This… this is not normal for your body. I'm worried about your health, no matter if you say you're in pain or not. Also, I think – I am afraid you're making a bad decision," he continued.

He pulled away as well, standing up. The doubt he felt was clear in his voice. "Even if you say it's a _child_ , how will you give birth? Are you out of your mind, Sasuke? You are not made for carrying a baby! It will endanger your life."

But he saw the same old stubbornness in Sasuke's eyes; the younger boy would not back down on this matter. The question was, which one of them would win?

"I might not understand," Itachi said, trying to soften his voice, "but this whole situation drives me crazy, Sasuke. You kept this from me for so long, and now you have already decided what you want to do. Don't get me wrong – if there was a safe and natural way for us to have a baby, I would have wanted that with my entire heart. You know how much I would love having a child with you. But we gave up that idea of ever having children, long ago."

Itachi hated arguing with Sasuke: he hated when Sasuke pulled away from him or pushed him away. They used to be inseparable; they always knew what the other one was thinking. But now it felt like they were drifting apart more and more. Sasuke didn't come to him with his worries anymore. The distance between them felt bigger than ever right now; their closeness had vanished in a blink of an eye.

He continued: "You say it's our child, yes, because I did my part of conceiving 'it'. But I cannot 'loosen up' just because you never think of the consequences of anything you decide to do, Otouto. What do you want me to do? Come running with baby balloons and start discussing name choices with you? None of us are even vaguely ready for this. You're 19, Sasuke. However, what I'm even more concerned about is the tiny, but very prominent fact that _we are siblings_." His voice was sharp.

Sasuke sighed and climbed into his lap. He placed a trail of soft kisses from his forehead, down his temples, cheeks, until his lips met Itachi's.

"I know. I never think of the consequences… It's just weird to know that I might have a tiny you or a tiny me inside of me. It just makes me wonder if it happened for a reason. And think about it. We're financially stable; we both are employed. We've got a house and a loving relationship. You are responsible and I am… well, me. Admit it, it could be a whole lot worse."

He nuzzled his face into his brother's neck to calm him down. "Balloons and all that isn't needed. All I need is you and then we'll take it from there, okay? We'll go see Tsunade tomorrow, let her run the tests, and do a checkup of me and the baby. Sound good?"

Sasuke didn't want him to suffer on his behalf. And he certainly didn't want to deal with an upset Itachi. He was almost just as stubborn as he was. All he wanted was to work this out. He loved Itachi too much to fight with him. He wanted them to go back to the way they were before, more than anything. He wanted them to go through this as best friends, like they did with everything else in life.

Itachi sighed inwardly. Something inside his mind told him he was going to regret this. This was most likely an insane decision, the craziest one he'd ever made.

But at least their life was not _that_ chaotic. Except for the fact that each week, they had "friends" in the house, which consisted of a crazy religious sadist, a painfully immature terrorist, a pumpkin and their boyfriends.

But he couldn't deny him anything either. Before Sasuke was born, Itachi had been such a quiet and miserable child. But the day he entered his life, everything had changed. During the stormy years that passed, the fights for their right to love each other, their struggle for their parents' acceptance and their parents' sudden deaths, Itachi and Sasuke had grown to become one person in heart and soul.

And now... if Sasuke was right, there was a tiny, new Uchiha developing inside of his brother. How many months had passed? Two? Three? At this point, their so-called child would be only a couple of inches long, maybe just three inches. Tiny, helpless, completely depending on Sasuke's body to survive.

The thought was dizzying.

This was supposed to be a magical time in their lives: who knew, maybe their only chance to even have a child? But there were so many question marks surrounding them.

Still, when Itachi saw Sasuke sitting in front of him, he decided. He loved Sasuke. Only Sasuke. He was his entire life. And nothing is greater in this world than to love someone with all your heart and be loved, just as much, in return.

Itachi looked into his brother's eyes and let him kiss him as he pleased. After sitting in silence for a while, he gently grasped his brother's hands. "All right, Sasuke. We'll do as you say."

The younger boy sent him a grateful smile. He was glad that Itachi was trying for his sake. Even though he knew that he was very uncomfortable with the entire situation. "Thank you, Nii-san." He looked him in the eyes and let their noses touch.

Itachi sighed. "You don't need to thank me, Sasuke. Now that this has happened, we've got to solve this together. What kind of person would I be if I didn't take responsibility?"

"You know I love you, right?" Sasuke murmured softly. "No matter what. You stole my heart a long time ago."

When the older man looked at Sasuke, he saw the same baby he had once carried, protected, fed and cared for. He had taught him so much, helped him cross the difficult bridges and paths of life, always being there for him. But he couldn't do anything now but stand by his Otouto's side. This was Sasuke's decision, Sasuke's own journey. And although Itachi was a part of it, he couldn't do anything against his brother's will. He simply refused to hurt his Otouto.

"I love you too, Otouto. Don't ever forget that." Itachi kissed him softly on the lips, letting all of his overwhelming love pour into the kiss. "Since the day you were born and for all eternity. I'm yours, always."

Sasuke gave him one of his rarest, gentlest smiles before he crawled out of his lap to put his shirt back on. "I'm hungry… Cook me something, onegai?" He actually felt a bit better now that he didn't have to hide his stomach from Itachi anymore, nor have to be paranoid about what he was wearing or eating. All cards on the table, as it was supposed to be.

He headed for the kitchen, obeying his brother's request. He decided to make something that was very nutritious; his Otouto's changing and growing body needed something else than just tomatoes or fast food. He eventually decided to make an omelet with salad and tomato slices for his brother. After all, eggs were the only thing that he was capable of cooking.

.

**_Five months later_ **

As time passed, Sasuke had slowly grown fonder of the thought of having a baby with his brother. After all, it was a miracle. Tsunade had confirmed it as well: this was a 'real' pregnancy, uterus or not. They had even been able to do an ultrasound and get some blurry pictures of the baby.

Today he was wearing a black, tight-fitting t-shirt that really showed off the size of his baby bump. They were going out to buy clothes for their little baby boy and later, they would meet up with Naruto and some of Itachi's friends from the Akatsuki.

They knew that they had to come clean sooner or later, so on this particular day, they had decided to finally drop the bomb and let their close friends know about their miracle. Sasuke was a little nervous to see their reactions, but as long as he had Itachi, he would be able to handle it.

He put on his coat since it was getting chilly outside. "You ready?" he asked his lover before giving him a small kiss. It was increasingly getting harder to do: Itachi was taller than him in the first place, but he now had a prominent bump that prevented them from getting too close.

The passing months had been quite harmonic and much more relaxed despite everything that happened, since Sasuke didn't have to hide anything from him any longer. They were getting back on the same track again, and the lack of stress had been good for Sasuke.

"I'm ready, Otouto." Itachi put his hands on either side of his brother's face and kissed him slowly, deeply, really tasting him. He smiled when they had parted and wrapped a scarf carefully around Sasuke's neck.

"You need to keep yourself warm at all times; getting a cold at this time would be very inconvenient for both you and the little one," he mumbled softly. He always referred to their unborn child as 'the little one' nowadays, even though he used to reserve that nickname for Sasuke. His hands slowly traveled down his lover's stomach, feeling the hard baby bump. He let his hands linger there for another moment before he closed his own coat. They left the house, hand in hand.

Fuck the neighbors. They could stare and gossip all they wanted; they would never be able to change what they felt for each other. Sasuke would never ever want anyone else in the whole world. No one could compare to his caring, kind and loving older brother. Itachi felt the same way when he looked into his Otouto's eyes: there was no one else for him and there had never been. No one could love him, make him happy and chase his nightmares away the way Sasuke could.

Golden brown autumn was sweeping in over the country. It was gradually getting colder outside, and the leaves started falling off the trees. They walked downtown until they found the store that sold baby products. The situation was quite ironic. Half a year earlier, if they ever went downtown, it was to visit the sex shop or buy a truckload of Sasuke's favorite tomatoes. Hell, the younger Uchiha's cravings for tomatoes had been insane lately. Itachi had to carry home tons of the red fruit.

While other couples went buying stuff for themselves, here the Uchiha brothers were, looking for diapers and strollers. Not that it felt wrong - they were very dedicated soon-to-be parents by now. They had started decorating the nursery, but it was far from finished.

In the baby shop, it didn't take Sasuke long to lose himself in the wonders of cute baby clothing. They really had some of the most adorable outfits for babies. But he'd never buy one of those distasteful sailor suits he saw in the display window; he carefully avoided those. It just wasn't fit for their little miracle. He wasn't going to dress him up for the world to see, but to be comfortable and warm.

Itachi wasn't in disagreement with his brother yet; the store had everything that baby parents could wish for. Aside from the clothes, diapers and baby toys they even had signs to put up in your front yard and a lot of other – in Itachi's opinion – unnecessary stuff. It was quite stupid, he thought with an inwardly roll of his eyes. Just like his brother he wasn't much for fancy baby clothes; he wanted them simple and comfortable.

He found a couple of plain outfits in blue and red. In a big box filled with various stuffed animals, he found something that looked like a baby weasel. He raised his eyebrows, but added it to the basket. He hoped the little one would like it.

He walked past some old ladies who were overexcited about some stupid-looking animal suits for infants. He almost shivered. He knew that neither of them would ever let the little one wear something that distasteful. They were both extremely protective of their unborn child already, and Itachi was pretty sure that his brother would try to kill anyone who ever suggested dressing up their baby in an overly warm, unbreathable animal costume.

He tried not to think about what the Akatsuki would bring them for their planned baby shower (luckily, said organization was still in a blessed oblivion about the pregnancy).

Sasuke went through the racks and pulled out a blue jumper suit with small white bunnies on it. It was cute, but he wasn't quite sure about it. Besides, he had already filled the shopping basket with a bunch of clothes, diapers, bottles, stuffed animals and pacifiers in all the colors of the rainbow.

"Itachi, what about this one?" He sighed and held it up for him to see. "It matches the socks and the hat I found earlier."

He looked over his shoulder when he felt eyes on his back. A rather nosy shop attendant was looking at him. She seemed pretty confused about his gender, judging by the way she kept looking at him. Immediately on the defensive, Sasuke shot her a poisonous glare before returning his attention to Itachi.

The older brother nodded. "It is...adorable." It took him some moments to find the right words, but he definitely liked it. "Just check if it looks uncomfortable on the inside. It might irritate his skin."

Sasuke nodded and let his fingers run over the seams and the fabric. There were no labels either, so nothing would irritate his skin. He happily added it to the basket.

As he spoke, the female staff member that had been looking at them for a while approached. She was looking from Sasuke to Itachi and back again, not even trying to hide her curiosity.

It was true from an objective eye that Sasuke looked rather feminine, with his grown out hair and sharp facial features. But despite the showing baby bump through his opened coat, he was still rather flat-chested. Moreover, his choice of clothing was very manly: tight jeans and a t-shirt that showed his absence of curves.

Sasuke ignored the shop attendant who apparently was going through a minor life crisis trying to figure out his true gender. She avoided his glare. "Do you need any help?" she said sharply, as if she thought he was going to shoplift.

Sasuke looked up at her. "Do you? You've been staring at me for the past 10 minutes. Don't even think I didn't notice." He huffed and placed a hand on his side. The bigger his belly had gotten, the smaller his patience had become. He placed his other hand on his rather large stomach. "Now move along."

He knew Itachi would probably tell him off for being such a bitch to everyone, but it wasn't his fault but theirs for staring at him like that. He wasn't some kind of freak. Sure, he looked like a fat whale, but he had a reason for it. And as time passed by, his defense mechanisms grew stronger. He had even been close to yelling at the mail carrier a couple of times but luckily Itachi had been around to prevent a catastrophe.

He turned his attention back to his older brother. "See if you can find some thick woolen socks. I don't want his feet to get cold."

"Please excuse him," Itachi told the shop attendant. "He's not feeling well."

He gave Sasuke a you-might-be-pregnant-but-you-cannot-behave-like-a-douchebag-foolish-Otouto look. Sasuke scowled at them.

The attendant seemed to be completely blown away by Itachi's looks. She shook her head as if she was trying to wake up from a dream and instinctively tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Of course. What are you looking for?" Suddenly she seemed extremely cooperative, but she kept sending upset glares at Sasuke. "How old is the baby?" Her voice had become ten times sweeter, like liquid sugar as she talked to Itachi.

Itachi held back a sigh. "The baby is not yet born."

"I see." She moved closer and tried to flutter her eyelashes, resulting in messing up her mascara a bit. "I can show you some _adorable_ infant clothes we've just received. They're new in the collection this year..."

"No thanks, I think I'll keep looking myself," Itachi interrupted politely. "Do you have any woolen socks for infants?"

"Which size?" she breathed dreamily as she kept looking up and down his body, letting her gaze rest a bit longer on his groin.

"For newborn babies." Itachi was getting annoyed.

"Just a sec!" She quickly returned with some. "I have baby blue for boys and baby pink for girls."

"Plain grey or white would be sufficient -"

"I suppose the mother is not here -" (she was clearly overjoyed about that fact), "but have you found out which gender it will be?" she continued.

Itachi tensed up. He sensed Sasuke's upcoming rage and tried to calm him through telepathy somehow, without drawing attention to them. The old ladies in the corner had stopped fussing about the animal suits and were looking at him as well.

Sasuke slipped his hands into his pockets, clenching his fists so hard that his knuckles turned white. Stupid bitch, thinking she could steal his man. _Well, we'll see about that_.

"His partner is right fucking here and unless you want 'her' to strangle you, I suggest you run," he mumbled to himself, too low for anyone but Itachi to hear. Right now, he really just wanted to stab her in the face. Or suffocate her. Something that'd make her regret even laying her eyes on _his_ Itachi. He was absolutely furious.

She kept batting her eyelashes while trying to look real cute, moving closer to the elder Uchiha. Too bad it didn't work. She was ugly no matter what, Sasuke thought, his mind laced with venom. Ugly inside out. Like her taste in clothes. She had crossed all the lines. She could forget all about forcing their son into some gender-fixated shit _and_ trying to seduce Itachi in front of him! He was going to put down his foot, preferably on her neck to show her who was in charge.

"Oh, will you shut it already? You're annoying. And it's rude to interrupt others," he snapped. "I happen to be his partner _."_

He wrapped his arms around Itachi's waist demonstratively and gave him a kiss. Just in case she didn't believe him. " _We_ just want a pair of gender-neutral socks. Is it that hard to understand?"

The attendant blinked for a few moments. " _I see_ , you are the godparents?" She tried to smile nervously at Itachi, delivering the final blow in her attempt to hit on him, but the elder was too annoyed to deal with it any longer. He didn't even care to excuse Sasuke's rudeness.

"Can we speak to your manager?" Itachi said, trying to keep his voice modest, but still cold.

She became nervous. "We might have some yellow socks in stock, let me just check... maybe green too…" She practically rushed away.

Considering Sasuke was about to lose his temper, she better run as fast as she could.

An older, black-haired woman returned, looking very stern. Her subordinate surely had warned her about the strange couple disrupting the peace in the store.

"Hello, my name is Shizune. I'm sorry for the inconvenience Sakura caused. She is a bit unstable right now."

Itachi could hear Sasuke roll his eyes so violently that they almost fell out of their sockets. "For the trouble, I'll give you the woolen socks for free." She handed over a grey pair. "Was there anything else?"

"No, we'll take this," Itachi said and put both their shopping baskets on the counter.

In the far corner, they overheard the old ladies mumbling angrily: "Such rudeness towards that poor girl! That young man must be a homosexual. It's really a shame to see two young men together. They could do so much better with their lives. I wonder how that baby's parents can stand them? What's going to happen to that poor child?"

Itachi froze. Oh no.

Sasuke very slowly turned his head in the direction of the old ladies. His Sharingan flared in pure, crimson rage and he gritted his teeth.

Oh it was on. He felt like killing them right now.

He left Itachi's side and slowly made his way towards them.

"Excuse me, but I couldn't help but overhear your little conversation. I noticed you based my rudeness upon the fact that I am indeed a homosexual, and not the fact that a woman was flirting with my boyfriend? I would like to remind you that that woman's job was to help us find clothes for our son and not steal his father. And while I have no idea how you reached that foolish conclusion, I would also like to mention that love is love, no matter what age, gender, race, or sexual orientation. And that's what I plan to raise my child by. Love. If my existence is a threat to you, get out of my face before I decide to crush yours."


	8. We Only Bathe In Blood

As Sasuke finished his speech and glared daggers at the old ladies, Itachi realized that he should interfere. After Shizune handed him a bag with all the stuff they'd purchased, he gave her more than enough money – as some kind of remedy for his drama queen of a brother - and started dragging Sasuke towards the exit.

"It's time to leave, Otouto," he said quietly. "Don't care about them. Our son will be raised with true acceptance and love." But he did see that one of the old women seemed to be in tears. The other ones didn't look very impressed, but were still stunned by Sasuke's speech.

As they got outside, Itachi wrapped his arms around his brother. "I'm proud of you, Sasuke. But there's nothing we can do to change their opinion." He kissed his brother deeply right in front of the store, visible to the old ladies.

"Now it's time for the next big step." He smiled and took hold of his brother's hand. "Are you ready to tell our friends?"

The younger male looked into his eyes before nodding somewhat sadly. He let his free hand caress Itachi's cheek ever so gently before they pulled apart. He licked his lips and tasted Itachi on them.

"I'm ready," he breathed out nervously. He wasn't quite sure how the Akatsuki was going to react, but he knew some of the reactions would probably be a bit… over the top. All of their friends were big-time drama queens. Especially Naruto... Sasuke gave his brother's hand a small squeeze before looking over his shoulders at the old ladies one last time. Then they headed off towards the meeting place. It seemed like all the others were already there.

As they approached the meeting place, Itachi could feel Sasuke's mood drop by each step. He squeezed his hand tightly to show his support. Even he felt a slight nervousness at the thought of what was waiting for them. Sasori and Deidara were making out against the wall of a nearby building, blind and deaf to the surrounding world. "Ngh, Danna, not there, hmm-"

"Get a fucking room, you fucking motherfuckers," Hidan hissed as they all gathered in the secret meeting room. The blond and red-haired lovers eventually tore themselves apart and stopped traumatizing the wall long enough to join.

"Tobi wants candy!"

"Itachi! Long time no see!" Kisame walked over to them and attempted to get in a friendly hit on Itachi's back, with no success since Sasuke was clinging onto his arm, glaring at everyone and everything. The blue-skinned man went silent when he saw how stern and fierce Itachi was looking. "You okay, man?"

"I'm fine, Kisame," Itachi replied, hardly moving his tense lips. He was feeling really uncomfortable; he wanted to pick Sasuke up in his arms and take him away from all the judgmental eyes in the room.

Naruto leaned against the wall, glaring a bit at the redhead and Deidara. Even he was getting tired of seeing them making out everywhere, and he was still not all too comfortable being around the Akatsuki. He did it for Sasuke's sake though. But Sasuke knew that his friend's annoyance was also because he was jealous that he didn't have anyone to make out with. His face lit up when he spotted Sasuke. "Teme!" he yelled excitedly and hurried up to his best friend.

Sasuke sighed and looked around the room. Tobi was loud as always, and the rest were just as annoying. Sasori didn't bother parting his lips from Deidara's to greet them, and Pein and Konan were keeping themselves in the background as usual. Kakuzu was focused on counting his money in an obsessive manner.

Sasuke looked up at Itachi's face. His older brother actually looked a bit… scared. It was very rare for him to show emotion in front of the others. Itachi took a deep breath to collect himself.

Tobi stopped and stared at Sasuke. "Awww cutiepatootie!" he exclaimed and ran over to them. He reached out to pinch the younger Uchiha's cheeks, but his hands were slapped away by Naruto.

"Watch your hands, Tobi," Naruto protested, glaring slightly at him. He had always been annoyed with Tobi, not only because he lost a ramen-eating competition to him _twice._

Itachi froze; his hand had moved automatically to keep Tobi from pinching his brother - Sasuke hated that with a passion. But Naruto was quicker.

Tobi had already lost interest in Sasuke and was curiously trying to peek into the bag that Itachi was carrying.

Frustration was building up inside of the older Uchiha, mixed with irrational fear. He doubted they'd take the news well. Sasuke was being more stable than him right now, so the elder kept on squeezing his hand to focus on him and keep calm.

Kisame grinned. "You looking kinda pale, eh, Itachi. Too many sleepless nights?" he chuckled.

"What's this?" Tobi kept trying to peek into the bag. Itachi snatched it out of his reach, suddenly feeling angry.

"Itachi… maybe we should just go home instead?" Sasuke mumbled unsurely. He pushed Tobi away since his constant fussing was getting on his nerves. "They're clothes, leave them be." He sighed, annoyed.

Naruto frowned a bit, his interest shifting to the baby blue plastic bag as well. "But it says 'All For Your Baby'? Who's having a baby?" he asked confusedly and looked at them. That seemed to catch everyone's attention.

Well, going home was too late now. Sasuke didn't even care to read everyone's expressions; he simply took off his coat and let it fall to the floor, so that his clothed belly became visible.

"I am…" he breathed out nervously.

Naruto's eyes widened and he stumbled backwards and landed on his ass. "N-no way! Sasuke… _No way_! Get that pillow out!"

When Sasuke had dropped his coat and every Akatsuki member was staring intensely at his stomach, Itachi could feel his heart pound all the way up into his throat. He could hear his father's voice in his head, full of judgment and despise.

_What the hell have you done, Itachi?_

And just as quickly, everyone's eyes turned to Itachi, since he obviously had something to do with this. Judgment, complete and total confusion, disbelief, annoyance and mild amusement met him from all corners of the room.

"What the hell have you done, Itachi?" Kisame asked and broke the ice-cold silence.

In that same moment, Hidan started laughing out loud, cackling in a nerve-wracking manner until Kakuzu punched him hard. As Hidan choked on his violent laughter and Tobi backed off, stuttering and mumbling, Naruto's mouth dropped.

Itachi didn't say a single word; he remained completely silent. He didn't know what to say. Nothing he said or did would change their reaction, unless he denied it. Sasuke was capable of explaining himself.

The younger brother could feel his protective side coming to life. He stepped closer to Itachi and glared at Kisame. "He hasn't done anything!" he snapped at him. "Or well, nothing that'd hurt me. Don't you dare judge him for my decision. He's the most caring and loving person I've ever met. Besides, is it really that bad to want a child with the one you love?"

Sasuke was upset about all of their reactions. None of them seemed even remotely happy on their behalves. Naruto just stared at the large bump on his stomach, his eyes shocked and upset.

"I can feel his chakra…" he muttered after a while."It's really strong, and it reminds me a lot of Itachi's. He doesn't like that you're upset…"

Sasuke looked at him, narrowing his eyes. "It's not funny, Naruto. This isn't the time for jokes."

When Naruto mentioned the thing about chakra, Itachi had frozen. He didn't know what to think. The reality hit him with such force when Naruto claimed to know what the baby liked or not. Suddenly, Itachi realized that it was not long until they would actually have a living being to care for. Scary was not the right word; it was overwhelming.

But he knew they could handle it when he saw the complete devotion and determination in the eyes he loved so much. It was _their_ baby, their Shisui. They had chosen the name together, honoring their dear cousin who died in a car accident some years ago.

Still, Itachi was growing more and more uncomfortable. He didn't need nor wanted Sasuke to stand up for him, to protect him from their judgmental minds. But he was feeling bad about the whole situation: he didn't know what to do to be enough for Sasuke. Again, the self-guilt hit him in the chest like a freight train. It was his fault that Sasuke had to deal with this now. Even though he too loved the child that Sasuke was carrying, the situation was still Itachi's fault, and nothing could change his mind.

"Sasuke," he said quietly, speaking only to his brother, even though everyone was listening closely anyway. "You don't need to defend me." He grasped his hand tightly in his own. "Moreover, we don't want to upset Shisui, do we?"

Sasuke swallowed a lump. He could feel Shisui thrash around inside of him, as if he was throwing a fit. He placed his hand on his stomach and rubbed it lightly. "I know… I just can't believe them…" he mumbled and leaned his head against Itachi's shoulder as he tried to loosen up a bit.

Naruto eventually moved a bit closer. "C-can I touch it?" he asked nervously. He didn't want to get murdered. He was just really curious, since he seemed to connect with Shisui. Sasuke looked back at Itachi to check if it was okay with him. He really didn't want to upset him more. Itachi gave his brother a look that showed he was okay with letting Naruto close.

The blond boy's eyes shone with awe and amazement as he very carefully approached Sasuke and reached out a slightly trembling hand. Sending a quick glance at Itachi to see if the older Uchiha would lash out, he eventually pressed one of his hands against his best friend's belly.

It was like an electric shock had gone through him when he, thanks to his tailed beast, was able to feel every movement of chakra that flowed through the fetus. It was real. It was so alive; Shisui's flowing chakra was entangled with Sasuke's in a very frail way. If that splendid, fragile chakra connection would break, the baby would die. It was such a beautiful feeling and sight to see the spirals of chakra, extremely similar to Itachi's, nestled in Sasuke's stomach.

Unaware of Naruto's and Sasuke's special moment, Itachi focused on his fellow members. He couldn't really look into the eyes of his mission partner, Kisame; the judgment he saw in them was too strong. He knew it: Kisame thought he had gone completely crazy.

Suddenly it didn't feel like a good idea to have a baby shower.

Kakuzu and Hidan showed equally big parts of disgust. Kakuzu huffed, "Such a waste of money, unless you sell the organs on the black market."

Zetsu, who until now had been completely silent, spoke up. "What are you doing?" he asked, enraged. "I didn't think you were stupid enough to actually be serious about this. Have you _any idea_ what this means?"

Kisame agreed: "Kakuzu is right for once. How do you plan to fulfill missions with a kid on your arm?" His voice was hard, uncompromising. "In that case, there is no use in you two staying here any longer. We are a proud organization, and we have no time for diaper changes and protecting another brat!" The last part was obviously an insult towards Sasuke.

"You guys are two stupid motherfuckers," Hidan spat, who was apparently really worked up about the whole situation. "Was it really fucking necessary to fuck each other like rabbits like that, you two motherfuckers? And now there is a new fucking brat with those damned Uchiha genes, who will eventually go crazy. What the fuck were you thinking, you fucking morons?"

Sasuke lost all patience with the two of them and Naruto realized it was time to back off. "Oh, you did not just insult my family!" he growled at them. "You know what? To hell with you guys! You don't even have families! Just because your parents fucking abandoned you doesn't mean I'm going to do the same with my kid! I'm not that much of an asshole."

"Enough," Pein interrupted sternly, still keeping himself in the background. "This kind of behavior will not be tolerated within the group. You are all making fools of yourselves."

Sasuke couldn't care less about the leader's protest, and neither did his opponents. "And shut the fuck up Hidan. I'm not taking any more shit from you and your virgin ass. You're just pissed because you can't have sex cause of your religion, or maybe it's because your dick is too small?" He clenched his fists. "And you Kakuzu, just because you like to wipe your ass with money doesn't mean others do, so keep your goddamn mouth shut. Iit's not hard to see why your parents couldn't put up with you."

He paused to see if he had done any damage. It didn't seem like it, but he didn't care. "Oh, did I hit a little _too_ _close_ to home?" A sadistic smirk played on Sasuke's lips, the corners of his mouth curling upwards. But when he sensed Itachi's obvious tenseness and discomfort he forced himself to calm down a bit.

"All I wanted was to let you guys know, because I thought at least _someone_ might see our child for what he is, other than a nuisance. I guess I was thoroughly mistaken." He picked up his coat and stormed out.

Hidan picked up the fight at once, not caring about anything else than the goddamn, spoiled Uchiha brat. He didn't care that Sasuke left the room and simply continued shouting after him. He couldn't care less if Itachi killed him. Sasuke had just insulted JASHIN. Which meant, he _had_ to be punished.

"ME? NOT HAVING SEX? YOU UGLY BRAT, YOU WEREN'T EVEN A SPERM WHEN I FIRST DID KAKUZU-"

Kakuzu cleared his throat. "I'm always the one who tops," he growled, somewhat embarrassed.

Hidan lost it. "Shut your whore mouth Cockuzu! I'm so fed up with you - you fucking asshole! This Uchiha brat will feel how hard I will impale his sorry little ass for the sake of Jashin! And when he whimpers in pain, I will show him the true size of Jashin! I've had enough of that rude bitching Uchiha, I'm going to squeeze the air out of his little throat and slowly watch as he – I'M GOING TO PUNI-"

Kakuzu silenced him by punching him hard and covering his mouth. Konan glared at them. Everyone in the room suddenly became aware of the fact that Itachi's Mangekyo Sharingan had just surfaced. Naruto paled and backed off and Tobi whimpered.

 _No one_ spoke about Sasuke that way and got away with it.

All the older Uchiha knew was that he wanted to crush something, or more exactly, Hidan. He wanted to crush his throat and throw him to the other side of the room and let him burn in agony. And that's what he did.

He had his hand around the grey-haired man's neck in a second, watching him struggle for breath as he violently threw him against the wall and moved like a flash to catch him before he got away. Kakuzu remained passive, which was a very smart choice if he wanted to keep his own head.

Soon black flames were licking the Jashinist's body – at least in Itachi's sadistic mind. He had to refrain himself though since it would be a shame to ruin this good meeting place.

As he beat him up violently he enjoyed seeing Hidan's oxygen supply slowly run out beneath his fingers. He wanted to break his neck, every single bone in his goddamned body – Itachi was so much stronger than him when push came to shove. He saw fear in the Jashinist's eyes as he eventually threw him into the worst kind of nightmare - Tsukiyomi.

Sasuke had been waiting outside. It wasn't hard for him to guess what was happening when he heard Hidan's screaming. He sighed and looked down at his feet as he shifted uncomfortably. Moments later, he heard a loud crash and the sound of someone choking on a scream. It seemed that Itachi had taken the threat against him a little too seriously.

Sasuke wasn't worried – he knew Hidan would not be able to go through with his threat, even if Itachi wasn't around. However, his older brother did not seem to want to take any risks.

He bit his lip before entering the room again and pulled Itachi away from Hidan in a swift movement. "Itachi, that's enough. Don't waste your time on this piece of trash." He muttered the last part and glared at the Jashinist defiantly.

Naruto gulped and nodded eagerly. "Y-y-yeah, come on Itachi? You're scaring me man." He hurried to Hidan's rescue and pulled him away from the potentially murderous couple. He wasn't sure who he should fear the most right now - Sasuke or Itachi. They were both unpredictable and very violent after all. Besides, he knew far too well what they were capable of. Sasuke could kill without blinking, but Itachi was stronger than anyone - when he had his mind set on killing someone, it was _impossible_ to get away.

Itachi bent down towards the terrified Jashinist and spoke in a dangerously low tone: "Stay away from Sasuke and our son. If you value your existence, you will refrain from making any sort of threats from now on. Next time I will end your pathetic excuse of a life, take my word."

He stood up and tried to collect himself, still angry. "Let's go home, Sasuke. Are you alright?" He put a worried hand on Sasuke's belly, as if he was afraid Shisui had been hurt by Hidan's violent words. He made a mental note to keep their baby away from all violent people. Shisui would never have to grow up with these idiots.

Sasuke nodded lightly as Shisui gave a particularly hard kick.

"I will contact you soon about the next mission," Pein said as they headed for the exit. Itachi merely nodded in return. The others instinctively moved out of their way.

They went outside with Naruto following after them. Itachi didn't mind him: he knew that the blond would never say or do anything that could harm Sasuke, and that was all that mattered.

Itachi had become _much_ more protective of Sasuke lately, but he guessed it was because he was carrying Shisui. He loved the little one so much. Even though he knew that he and Sasuke were not the best suited to have a child because of their lifestyle, friends and temper, they would protect their son fiercely against all threats and never ever abandon him.

Sasuke glared at Naruto when he saw that he was about to open his mouth. "Don't you dare," he snapped at him. He didn't need to be told that Shisui was upset; it was pretty obvious by the way he was kicking and moving around.

"Let's just go home. I want to rest a bit before I plan Hidan's murder…" The younger Uchiha sighed and ran a hand through his long hair. Naruto glanced worriedly at Itachi. Something was definitely up with Shisui.

_._

**_Back to_ ** **_the_ ** **_P_ ** **_resent_ **

Golden sunlight flowed in through the curtains, enlightening the sleeping faces in the big double bed.

Or not really: Itachi had been awake for a couple minutes already, watching morning sun break into the room. They had fallen asleep together after they spent the whole night talking everything out. After Sasuke's nightmare and Itachi's soothing, the younger brother had been able to fall asleep right away, this time without any nightmares.

Itachi had joined him pretty quickly, and somewhere during the night, they had entangled themselves together like they used to. He had been both taken aback and happy when he woke up to find Sasuke's chest pressed against his own. The warmth of his Otouto's body was so delightful, nothing else could compare.

Judging by the angle of the sunlight and the sounds from outside, he guessed it was about nine o'clock in the morning. Sasuke was sleeping heavily; his drained face was expressionless, and his black hair was messy and covering most of his face.

Itachi admired his brother's beautiful facial features for a little while, before he suddenly realized how quiet everything was. Sasuke's even breathing was the only thing to be heard. Something was wrong, which Itachi's brain quickly came to terms with. A newborn baby required feeding every three hours, and they had been sleeping the entire night through. Since the crib was placed in the living room, they wouldn't have heard Shisui cry.

Moving like a flash, Itachi was out of the bed in no time without disturbing Sasuke. But as soon as he entered the living room, he stopped dead in his tracks.

 

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**Please review~ All kind of support and feedback is very welcome!**


	9. Ecstasy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to May for her incredible beta work, you're the best!
> 
> Special thanks to my friends. I love you guys - I wouldn't be able to do what I do today without your endless love and support. The same goes for my returning readers and reviewers. I hope you will enjoy this chapter thoroughly.

The sight that met him in the living room was highly disturbing. Naruto was standing there, cooing with Shisui while rocking him in his arms. The blond boy looked up at Itachi the moment he heard him enter the living room. He sent him a nervous grin. "Heh, sorry. I let myself in with the spare key."

He hadn't seen Itachi for quite a while; he had completely forgotten just how intimidating he could be. When he didn't get an answer, Naruto proceeded to ignore him and continued to rock Shisui in his arms. He smiled at the baby.

"Aw… You're such a cutiepatootie! Cuter than any puppy! You look just like your… mum? Which is lucky 'cause he's hot."

He poked the soft cheek once before putting the child back in his crib. Shisui looked up at him with his big dark eyes. His little hands reached up to grip onto Naruto's shirt. The blond gently removed his hands and placed a small kiss on his forehead.

Naruto sighed softly. If only Sasuke was this willing to get close to him instead of being with Itachi. It would've made his life a whole lot easier. He couldn't deny the thought that escaped from his subconscious now and then – sometimes, he imagined what life would be like if Shisui was _his_ son.

He was sure he could make Sasuke happy, too. During the months when Itachi had locked himself in, he had started wondering whether Sasuke would let him take on parental rights if he asked him. One foster parent would be better than a mentally unstable biological parent, right?

Itachi stared at them for some seconds, not knowing what to do. But almost four months' worth of pent-up anger, jealousy, aggression, helplessness and sorrow was threatening to explode inside him. And the object of his rage was standing right before him.

Every muscle in Itachi's body was tense; he was trying his hardest to control himself from snatching the baby out of his grip. This was the final straw.

He had heard Sasuke whimper and call out for Naruto during his sleep tonight. And sometimes during the previous months, he could hear him crying out the blond's name in his sleep - it was audible in the entire house. It was impossible to determine whether the scream was out of lust, need or fear but they were probably a mixture of all three.

Often when he heard Naruto talk to Sasuke, the blond boy would stutter awkwardly, and it drove Itachi out of his mind. He just wanted Naruto to stay at a proper distance from his brother and keep his hands to himself.

Ever since Itachi fell into his depression, he utterly despised Naruto's presence in their home. It was his and Sasuke's home that _they_ had bought together. It was _their_ baby that Naruto always cooed and cuddled with. Sure, Itachi appreciated the help he gave to Sasuke, but the blond was intruding far too much. Itachi was already struggling with his self-worth as it was; he didn't need that extra competition weighing him down.

He could not – he _would not_ lose Sasuke to that idiotic friend of his. After everything they had been through, he just couldn't let Naruto take his brother away.

Mark his words, this was going to end today. And Naruto had just called Sasuke ' _mum_ ' – how dared he? There was nothing Sasuke hated as much as being labeled that.

Itachi's Sharingan was spinning, and despite the fact that he had lost so much weight and was only a shadow of his former muscular self, he knew that he was just as threatening as ever to the blond boy. However, he quickly realized that his precious baby was far too close to the target that was about to be eliminated.

Itachi took a step closer to the blond, enjoying seeing the terror in his big blue eyes. He was hovering over him, speaking very, very slowly. "Your presence isn't needed here anymore."

It didn't take long for Naruto to realize that he was about to become an endangered and possibly extinct species. He instantly stepped away from the crib and took cover behind the couch. "Ehe, come on Itachi? I'm just helping Sas' out?"

He fidgeted nervously with his hands. He was like a deer caught in headlights. He kept hoping that Sasuke would appear in the doorway and somehow save him from his unstable brother. "... Itachi… Please don't kill me. I swear, I wouldn't hurt Shisui. Ever. You know I think he's adorable -"

He didn't want to die yet... He was too young! He hadn't even become Hokage yet! Besides, who was going to eat all the ramen at Ichiraku's and maintain business? What if they went bankrupt once he was gone? No, he couldn't let that happen.

Itachi only needed to move his tall body a couple of steps to have Naruto cowering in the far corner of the room, hiding behind the couch. The Uchiha couldn't control himself any longer. Moreover, knowing that the fox was able to lose control at any time and possibly kill them all was not making him any calmer. He realized he should get Shisui out of there. Itachi was not going to let him get hurt.

"As I said before, your help is not needed anymore," he repeated calmly as he walked over to the crib and gently moved it into the kitchen. Then he shut the door behind him, so that Shisui wouldn't be scared by the sounds that would soon fill the air.

He was alone in the living room with Naruto. Itachi smiled gently. The younger boy seemed to realize the same thing; his eyes widened with fear.

"I am not worried about my son," the Uchiha continued quietly, seemingly calm. In the next moment, he rushed forward and had Naruto pinned to the wall, his hand tightening around his neck tightly and closing off his airways.

Naruto let out a loud yelp as Itachi pinned him up against the wall. He stared into the raven's now crimson eyes. The other man looked positively murderous. He was truly getting worried about Ramen Ichiraku's business by now.

"You see, it is not proper to call someone else's boyfriend hot," Itachi breathed quietly before he delivered the first punch, right into his stomach. " _Especially not in front of them._ " The last words came out as a fierce snarl. His voice was dark, boiling with barely contained rage. This was the aggressive, almost cruel side of him, protecting his territory – _his family -_ like a lion. And Itachi was a lion in every way: wild, insatiable and strong.

He had thought he could trust Naruto. He had taken for granted that he would remain loyal to them as a family friend. But instead - Itachi knew what he was trying to do. Naruto wanted Sasuke all to himself and Shisui as well. He wanted to take Itachi's place. He was trying to take _everything_ away from him, and Itachi wasn't having it.

"There is a reason our son has tear troughs," Itachi hissed through gritted teeth as he delivered another punch, as hard as he possibly could. "Because he is _mine_."

The blond had been about to blurt out an apology when Itachi hit him, knocking all of the air out of him. He gasped for breath as the pain slowly receded. He started panicking when he realized that he still couldn't breathe properly.

"Come on Itachi… Isn't there a way we can solve this without making Ichiraku poor? I even helped Sas' give birth!" He groaned and tried to rub his stomach. Who would've known that Itachi was a jealous person? He had always seemed so calm. But now he realized that the calm was just before the storm. He pressed his lips together as he tried to wriggle out of his grip, but to no avail.

"Sasuke's my best friend, okay? I know that Shisui is your child. I get it; I'm going to stay away from -"

Naruto's pathetic attempts of trying to soothe Itachi were useless. The older man was far too angry, and he certainly didn't trust the blond. He simply kept him pinned against the wall, enjoying his helpless squirming. He was going to make him see why no one could take his place.

Yes, Naruto might be in love with Sasuke, and Sasuke might have an unconscious attraction towards him, but Itachi was convinced that no one could come close to loving Sasuke the way he could. It was _his_ baby brother.

"This is not about Shisui," he repeated, his voice dark with frustration. Naruto was even dumber than he thought. "The easiest way to solve this for both of us is for you to get gone." He couldn't help but feel his lips part, showing his perfect teeth as he leaned in and whispered in Naruto's ear:

"I am not a patient man. You should watch out before you make me demonstrate exactly what I mean." He tightened his hold around the blond's neck. Stupid little whiny fuck. "You don't need to 'help' Sasuke as long as I'm here. Are we clear?"

Itachi didn't know why he felt so insanely jealous. But he was sure of it; Naruto didn't have anything compared to him. Naruto could not make Sasuke happy the way he could. Naruto didn't have his lips, his sinfully skilled tongue and his ability to kiss Sasuke until he couldn't remember his own name. Naruto didn't know how to make Sasuke scream outright in pure pleasure. And damn right he wasn't going to either, as long as Itachi was around.

.

Sasuke had woken up when he heard a somewhat loud yelp followed by a thump from the living room. He looked around him, but Itachi was nowhere to be seen.

He let out a sigh and got out of bed. He grabbed his tiny silk bathrobe and put it on. It ended just below the middle of his thigh, but since only he and Itachi were home, it wouldn't matter. Hell, he didn't even feel like putting on his boxers. He ruffled his hair before leaving the bedroom and made his way down the hall.

The sight that met him shocked him.

"Itachi! _What the hell_ are you doing?" Within a few seconds, he was right next to his brother with a tight grip on his arm. "Let him go, right now."

Naruto couldn't have felt more blessed at the moment. Sasuke had come to his rescue, and he had gotten a good glimpse of that porcelain-like, creamy soft skin. It looked perfect. Or at least it did, until he noticed some angry red marks on it. He didn't dare comment on them though - not because he was worried about Itachi murdering him for looking at Sasuke, but because he instantly knew what they were.

"I can't believe you, Itachi. Seriously?" Sasuke didn't know what to make of it. Was this Itachi's new way of taking part in their lives, almost murdering the only family friend they still had?

"And who's watching Shisui if you guys are fighting?" He looked over to where the crib was supposed to be and felt his heart drop. His hand tightened around Itachi's arm. " _Where's Shisui?_ "

His presence was both calming and enraging for Itachi. He had wanted to finish Naruto off properly... but he couldn't put Sasuke through the stress. He simply opened his hand and watched the blond collapse onto the floor. Itachi glared at him.

"I was not going to wound him _physically_ ," he reassured Sasuke in a low voice, feeling the major part of his rage fading away when he saw him.

His little brother looked so lovely in that extremely thin bathrobe, which wasn't leaving much to the imagination. Sasuke liked to show off his skin, especially to his brother. Itachi knew it gave him a sense of satisfaction.

But it disturbed him that Naruto was gawking at him with an open mouth, his face turning red. Itachi turned his back against him and resisted the urge to punch him hard. He concentrated on his lover's worried face instead and tried to calm him.

"Shisui's just fine. Don't worry, Otouto. I put the crib in the kitchen. Naruto took care of him while we slept."

"I… I think I should leave," Naruto mumbled and made his way to the front door, thanking his lucky stars that he made it out with all his limbs intact.

Itachi took a deep breath and watched as his little brother hurried over to the kitchen. Through the open door, he saw him lift Shisui up and rock him gently, patting his back. When Sasuke turned towards the fridge to get one of the prepared milk bottles, Itachi was already there, taking a bottle from it and putting it in the microwave.

Itachi stood beside them, watching closely as Sasuke fed Shisui. Their gazes met. Only Sasuke's months of practice made it possible for him to meet Itachi's tense gaze while feeding the baby.

Shisui didn't protest for once and drank it all without trying to pull away. When he was full, he started getting sleepy. Itachi gently reached out and took him from Sasuke, cradling the baby in his arms. His feelings from the previous night hadn't disappeared. He softly kissed Shisui's forehead, stroked his black hair on his tiny little head before he put him down in the crib and tucked him in.

They watched as his eyelids got heavy and he fell asleep. The baby's small chest moved up and down slowly, calming them both. Carefully taking a hold of Sasuke, Itachi pulled him out of the kitchen and closed the door behind them, leaving Shisui to sleep undisturbed.

He knew that Sasuke was annoyed with him, and Itachi had all intentions of making it up to him. He knew he had been acting foolishly, trying to hurt Naruto. He slowly, carefully let his hands slide up and down his lover's waist, waiting to see if Sasuke would push him away. When he didn't, a light shone in Itachi's eyes.

The restrained anger, lust and frustration in Sasuke's eyes turned him on.

He knew his brother was in the mood too; had he really been angry with him, he would have pushed him away already and walked off. He just refused to make the first move.

Itachi's hands caught his waist and gently pressed him up against the wall, his lips crashing together with Sasuke's. The younger turned his head a bit, breaking their kiss. "No…" he protested. He placed his hand on Itachi's chest. He wasn't sure whether it was to caress or to push him away.

His voice was sharp as he looked Itachi in the eyes. "You can't just threaten my friend and then kiss me as if everything is alright. Naruto honestly didn't deserve that. He was only trying to help."

It actually annoyed him quite a bit that Itachi had taken the liberty to do that to Naruto. If someone was going to beat the idiot up, Sasuke would do it himself. He didn't need anyone to protect him.

"Maybe you should've come to me before freaking out on him?" He bit his lip and gave him a gentle push to create some distance between them before freeing himself completely. "If I have an issue with him, I'm fully capable of sorting it out myself. I don't want you to act for me."

Itachi backed off at once, staring at him with narrow eyes. He was hurt, but he knew that he deserved it. Now afterwards, his sudden fit of aggression seemed so strange. He didn't know where the sudden overflowing emotions had come from.

"I should have," he admitted, swallowing down his pride. "I overreacted, I admit it. Next time he comes over, I'll apologize. Considering my inexcusable absence… and despite my behavior, I am grateful for everything he has done for you and Shisui while I was… gone. But only that – I have no other reason to stand him, Otouto." He locked his gaze with Sasuke's to show him that he was speaking the truth.

The younger was glad that Itachi seemed to understand his point or that he at least was trying to do so.  
"Thanks," he sighed in relief and leaned back against the wall. He didn't want to have to worry about such things. He was worried enough as it was. He still wasn't sure what was happening in their lives.

Then the elder's voice turned darker, his Sharingan glinting. He leaned closer again, feeling his little brother's scent intoxicating him with desire. "Otouto, I can see in his eyes what he wants to do to you. I don't know what happened before, actually. I am just so afraid of losing you. I just… can't stand the idea of him having you."

Sasuke met his gaze as he leaned in closer as well. "I know…" He sighed deeply. That was true. It was obvious that Naruto had had a crush on him since childhood. Probably because they had had a lot of accidental close encounters... Sasuke had noticed long ago.

"I know you don't like it, but you'll have to deal with it. At least we'll always have a willing babysitter."

Itachi shook his head. "You can't see it, but it's obvious to everyone else. The way he looks at you, it's not proper. If it makes you uncomfortable, I promise I will take care of him for you."

"Really, it's not needed. I can take care of him myself."

"At least, please remember - I won't ever force you to anything, Otouto. If you'd rather be with him, then I can't stop you. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters. But you need to tell me right now what you want. I'm going crazy."

Itachi was so beautiful; it still took Sasuke's breath away. He was looking so sad and insecure, the fear of rejection in his eyes. Sasuke grabbed his brother's wrists and looked deep into his eyes, trying not to drown in their depths.

"I know you think I'm attracted to him, but I'm not. My eyes are on you, alright? It doesn't matter what he says or does. You know me, Nii-san, I wouldn't ever lie to you. There is no need to feel jealous, because I've never even thought of anyone else. You are my best friend and I will always be in love with you."

Sasuke gave him a light squeeze, wanting that sad look in his brother's eyes to go away so badly. The thought of ever leaving Itachi for someone else, or cheating on him, seemed completely crazy. There was no way he would ever do such a thing - how could he ever hurt him in such a way?

"You know I love you the most, Nii-san. My life is not the same without you. I don't want anybody else – you've been with me my entire life, and no one can ever take your place. You're the only one for me."

Itachi leaned in, locking them into a soft, deep kiss while grabbing Sasuke's hands and wrapping them around his neck. Although Itachi had known it all along, hearing it made him feel much calmer inside.

"I love you so much, Otouto. I don't know what I did to get such a perfect little brother."

While he massaged the younger boy's lips - feeling Sasuke's resistance quickly melt away - he pressed their bodies flush against each other, wanting nothing but to hear Sasuke moan again. Moreover, that tiny bathrobe he was wearing would look so much better scattered on the floor. He couldn't wait until he got to tear it off him, licking every inch of newly exposed, silky skin.

They both deserved a break from all this stress. He cupped his face and pressed their lips together over and over again, until he felt Sasuke open up for him. Sasuke let his tongue enter his mouth, but the elder met a surprisingly dominant resistance that told him that his brother rather wanted a taste of his mouth.

Sasuke let his fingers play with Itachi's long ponytail before loosening it. He ran his fingers through the smooth hair he loved so much before he took a light hold of it. He pressed their bodies closer together as his tongue invaded Itachi's mouth instead of the other way around.

Itachi would just have to suck it up, because there was no way he was giving this up now. Sasuke nibbled at his brother's lower lip before sucking on it. Kissing Itachi felt absolutely amazing every time. No matter how short their kisses were, he knew that they were filled with love. He lifted his leg a bit and let it rub against Itachi's. The friction felt so nice.

Itachi could feel both their breaths become quicker, and his skin felt good and hot pressed against his brother. As he let Sasuke ravage his mouth, he let his hands wander to the front of the silky bathrobe, opening it to reveal the front of his Otouto's beautiful body.

He started rubbing and massaging his brother's crotch in slow, sensual movements. He let the other hand run along the nice curve of Sasuke's back, feeling his soft, firm ass and thighs. He cupped it slightly and squeezed, moving closer. Every shiver that ran through the younger made Itachi even more aroused.

Sasuke's fingers took a hold of Itachi's shirt as he tried to steady his breathing. It was hard to keep himself collected when Itachi was rubbing his front and back like that. Every time he cooled down, the elder would do something that'd make his breath hitch. He pressed himself against Itachi's warm body and nuzzled his face against his neck.

The elder leaned down to whisper in Sasuke's ear, nibbling at his earlobe slightly: "Tell me what you want me to do, Otouto." His words went straight to Sasuke's crotch; he was getting harder by the minute.

"I can think of several things you could do," he trailed off sexily as he placed a few kisses on Itachi's exposed neck. He let go of the shirt again and let his hand go downward until it rested just above his brother's ass. He hesitated for a few seconds before cupping it and giving it a light squeeze. Teasing Itachi was always fun - even if it had consequences later on.

He briefly wondered whether Itachi would chase him to the bedroom if he made a run for it. They could fight for dominance before he'd succumb to Itachi and his amazing skills. It definitely was a tempting idea, but he also wanted to please him first.

"Well… Why don't you lose the shirt for a start?" he suggested and eyed Itachi's torso hungrily. He wanted to taste that skin right now.

Itachi slowly kissed Sasuke, not letting his lips get away. "Always so impatient, Otouto," he smirked. His own shirt was easily slipped off. Then his fingertips gently graced his brother's shoulders and the bathrobe fell to the floor, leaving Sasuke completely exposed.

The elder couldn't keep his lust under control any longer. But there was not only the raging lust - the love was even stronger, the need to join them together lovingly, erotically, with all the passion and romance he could possibly muster. He wanted to make love to his brother's mind, his body, his soul - with utmost care and gentleness.

This was not about sex. It was so much more.

His Otouto was exposed and Itachi felt his heartbeat run away, his body growing hotter. There wasn't a more beautiful sight in the world. And it belonged only to him. He let his hands grip the smooth waist for a moment, feeling the silky skin beneath his touch.

"Gods, you haven't changed a bit," Itachi mumbled softly as he slowly got on his knees. "You're still just as irresistible, Otouto." As his hands neared the stiff limb that was clearly showing the younger boy's anticipation, he felt him squirm a bit.

"Shh... just relax, Sasuke." With that, he took him all into his mouth.

The younger male let out a shaky breath and supported himself against the wall as Itachi went down on him. He placed his hands on his shoulders and let his nails dig into them.

He had really missed the feeling of being inside of Itachi's hot mouth. He couldn't resist the urge to move his hips along with Itachi's rhythm. His entire body felt like it was electrified, the sweet feeling returning as the bottom of his stomach tightened.

"Easy enough for you to say," he groaned. Itachi wasn't the one with his dick in someone's mouth. Besides, not having had sex for so long had left him overly sensitive.

He licked his lips and closed his eyes, his nails digging deeper in excitement. He wanted to do it for Itachi too. He let out a deep moan as Itachi continued to work with his stiff, aching member, lapping up every drop of pre-cum that spilled out of him.

He felt his hips move by themselves and Itachi hummed slightly, sending sweet vibrations through his body. Without any complaints, he let Sasuke gently fuck his face, deep-throating him with ease.

Sasuke leaned back and let out a series of grunts and gasps, feeling himself tense up. "Oh…fuck, Nii-san…" His hands gripped his hair, holding onto him as he continued to rock himself deeper into his warm mouth.

Itachi stopped for a moment, looking up at him. His eyes were hungry, a smirk on his wet lips. "Enjoying yourself, Otouto?"  
"Dammit – don't stop!" Sasuke was out of breath, leaning back with closed eyes. It felt so amazing, he had almost forgotten how good it felt.

Itachi cupped his balls and stroked them gently while continuing to work on his member. He sucked and licked, paying extra attention to the sensitive slit, dipping in his tongue with a skill that came from years of practice. The cute little grunts and groans his brother emitted made him feel complete. Itachi could feel himself getting more aroused.

Sasuke was reduced to a panting mess, pulling Itachi deeper into his mouth as he let out a moan and spilled himself inside his mouth, thrusting his hips erratically and grabbing his hair.

Itachi swallowed it all, licking off some drops that escaped his moist lips. He let Sasuke ride out his sweet orgasm by rocking his hips until his body relaxed completely. Sasuke was slumped against the wall, panting heavily in bliss. Itachi slowly got up and kissed him. The sweet feeling was filling every inch of Sasuke. No one could bring him to the heights of ecstasy the way his brother could. He felt it in every inch of his body down to his toes.

He had nothing else on his mind; he felt lighter than he had been for many, many months. Distance and time could try to pull them apart, but eventually they would bounce back to each other.

He felt Itachi's arms around him, holding him tight in a protective, promising embrace. Sasuke felt his cheeks flush a lovely shade of pink and his heart beat quickly.

"Nii-san…" His voice almost shivered with desire. "Let's go to the bedroom, now."

The elder lifted him up in his arms and kissed him again. "Let's not start our day quite yet," he agreed and carried him to their double bed.

He entwined their hands, locking them tightly as he started kissing his brother in a way that made his heart strain, climbing on top of him. As Itachi moved down and placed his face between Sasuke's inner thighs again and nibbled slightly, the younger boy threw his head back. He was floating freely, reaching the absolute top of his mind.

Itachi smiled to himself. His absolute favorite thing in the entire world was to please Sasuke – to see his face filled with pleasure and mind-blowing sensations as he made his body do such beautiful things. It was the face he lived for, the face he had been aching to see for so long.

But he knew that his depression would never vanish just like that. It would take time; it would be a tough road, and he knew that he could fall back. But it was okay. Even if he relapsed, he wouldn't have to rely on himself anymore. Sasuke would be his helping hand, pulling him through this when he couldn't do it himself.

Sasuke was worth everything, every pain and tear, just to have him in his life. This day, this night – how could time possibly matter? Shisui and Sasuke were his reason to live.

Itachi decided right then and there that he would create the perfect world for them and – with a sly smile towards Sasuke's ecstatic face – all the Uchihas to come.


	10. Let's Pretend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes from crack-ish to terribly angsty in a matter of seconds. Also, I know I am an expert when it comes to leading up to smut and then not giving it... *wink* You know I will make up for it. Eventually. And then it'll be so good... Also, this fic is showing what not to do when in a situation like Itachi's. You'll see what I mean. Enjoy!
> 
> -Crystallinee

_Just washing it aside_  
_All of the helplessness inside_  
_Pretending I don't feel misplaced_  
_It's so much simpler than change_

 

When Sasuke slowly came to his senses, he felt that familiar weight on top of his body. It overtook his senses, feeling the warmth inside and around him. As he focused his eyes on a spot in the ceiling, he wondered what the hell he had just done. When his eyes darted down again, he saw the long black hair spread over his chest, the head resting right above his heart.

Was this selfish of him? Itachi could hurt him anytime again – and there would be nothing he could do to stop it. Itachi could turn around anytime and leave him all alone. But he just couldn't resist giving in to him – there was no way he could refuse him this. Even if it was unfair towards both himself and Shisui, he needed him far too much.

His heavenly body – oh, how he had missed that feeling of being able to kiss him and feeling him move deep inside. Their hands intertwined, a slow movement together. He wanted to be pushed deep into the mattress, feeling the entire bed move. Now they were lying still, resting in the aftermath.

Sasuke reached down and grasped the pale hand, feeling it respond to him immediately. Itachi was listening to his heart and Sasuke could not move.

It was crazy, how it tore him apart inside. No matter what, Sasuke would crave that painfully perfect body for all eternity. He wanted it to respond only to him, watch those lips part only for him. But everything comes with a price, and Sasuke knew he would have to pay for this. The ecstasy and bliss would fade away and be replaced with darkness and pain.

Still, despite the hurricane in his mind, he remained perfectly still in the sheets, holding his older brother tight. He heard him exhale slowly, shifting position slightly on top of him.

Maybe it was possible to pretend. Maybe that was their only way out; their last escape route from this situation. Maybe they could start over and pretend that nothing bad had ever happened between them. But the harder he tried to forget, the clearer everything became. Memories from the past he had tried so hard to overcome.

_._

**_Four months earlier_ **

"Nii-san…"

"Just a moment, Otouto."

Sasuke cocked an eyebrow. "You better get here first."

"I know." Itachi hurried into the living room. He leaned over his little brother and kissed him deeply as he handed over a glass of fresh tomato juice. Sasuke soon broke the kiss in favor of his favorite ice-cold drink. Itachi's kisses were sweet, but sometimes he just needed his favorite fruit.

As he eagerly gulped down his latest crave, Itachi kneeled in front of him. Sasuke spread his legs slightly where he was sitting on the couch and put the glass down on the coffee table. The elder smiled up at him, letting his hands trace up his lover's thighs slowly.

"How are you feeling?" he inquired.

"I need a back massage really badly… It's killing me." Sasuke groaned.

God, when he finally got his old body back, what would he do… First of all, what he would do for his poor brother who had spent the last few months serving and pleasing him unconditionally.

Neither of them had really expected how much their sexual activity would drop during the last stages of the pregnancy. His big stomach was making any real action impossible. They had quickly given up on the entire doggy style concept since Sasuke complained that it made his hips ache. Moreover, he was afraid of Shisui getting hurt.

He couldn't wait to give birth so he could move freely again. Aside from the sexual matters, he dreamed of not having to depend on Itachi to help him to the bathroom every fifteen minutes. The elder didn't mind helping him; in fact, he had taken on almost every household chore and gladly made him fresh tomato juice at 2 am. He was amazing like that.

But still, Sasuke could sometimes see the strain in his brother's eyes. Itachi told him it was nothing – he assured him that he was fine, but the shadows beneath his eyes said otherwise. Itachi was exhausted and slept heavily every night while Sasuke tossed and turned.

He felt bad for his brother. He didn't like putting all the responsibility on him.

"You're the one carrying the little one," Itachi would say tenderly when Sasuke tried to coax him into resting.

"But you're the one doing everything else!" he would try to protest.

"Still, you're going through something much more straining, Otouto."

Sasuke would eventually give up when the need for tomatoes took over. Still, he had decided that as soon as his body and Itachi would allow him to, he'd get down and give him a hell of a blowjob – Itachi truly needed the release of tension and some pleasure of his own.

Sasuke just had to take a look at his brother diligently cleaning the toilet or making him another sunny-side up egg to know that he'd make this man see stars as soon as he had the chance. Itachi always controlled himself and focused on his gentlemanly behavior. Needless to say, it was making Sasuke very restless.

Now he lay on his side as Itachi started massaging his back gently. Sasuke couldn't help but pout. His attempts of leading his brother on ended innocently every single time. A joyful knock on the door was heard, interrupting them.

Sasuke suppressed a sigh as Itachi got up to answer it. Naruto visited them often, claiming to be fascinated by the baby. The blond eagerly entered the living room as Itachi went to the kitchen to get more tomato juice.

Naruto stopped in his tracks and stared at his best friend. "Woah… Man, you look really…"

Sasuke raised a sarcastic eyebrow. "Spit it, dobe."

"I mean... just quite…grown?" The blond scratched the back of his head nervously. He knew that one bad choice of words would make his friend blow up.

Sasuke was sitting comfortably on the couch, surrounded by pillows and blankets. His stomach was really large by now, and it was affecting his mood really badly.

If Itachi hadn't been there by his side, he would've gone crazy and turned into society's enemy number one, as Kisame had jokingly said once. That joke had almost cost him his face, if Itachi hadn't stopped his little brother in time.

"Nice of you to stop by, Naruto," Itachi greeted politely. He entered the living room with a big can of tomato juice. He refilled Sasuke's glass before handing it to his brother. "You came at the right time; Sasuke is in big need of some distraction."

"I'm not!" the younger boy hissed, glaring slightly at the elder. Itachi knew he was sexually frustrated and still teased him. Moreover, his ego had really taken a blow because of his helplessness.

"Uh …So when's the big day?" Naruto asked and warily sat down on the opposite couch.

"He's due in three weeks," Itachi responded as Sasuke didn't bother to reply, instead focusing on gulping down his tomato juice.

"Oh… woah. I mean… you look quite ready to give birth already … I mean, one could think that…"

Sasuke glared at him. "Don't you dare."

Sensing his brother's mood, Itachi hurried over and kneeled down. "I forgot to finish this," he mumbled and continued to gently rub his brother's feet.

Naruto gaped. What was this? He knew Sasuke had Itachi wrapped around his little finger, but to make this man, Uchiha Itachi, kneel before his feet?

Itachi carefully massaged his brother's feet and wrapped them in a blanket.

"Sasuke, give the poor guy a break. He looks exhausted." Naruto couldn't control himself. He didn't particularly fancy Itachi, but his caring self got the best of him.

"He refuses to rest when I tell him to." Sasuke glared at him.

"I don't mind at all," Itachi said as he finished and stood up. "What kind of brother would I be if I didn't take care of my Otouto?"

The younger boy wrapped his arms around him, pulling him as close as his stomach allowed them to. "I love you, Nii-san." One of Sasuke's rarest smiles adorned his face, directed completely at his brother.

"I think I better leave you two to yourselves…" Naruto laughed to himself.

.

.

Sasuke woke up in the middle of the night, tangled up in a mess of warm sheets. The comforting scent of Itachi was all around him, making him feel safe and calm. But his body was troublesome, as usual. He was sweating and his throat burned.

He tried to turn to his side but his stomach was so big that it was almost impossible to move, much less lie in any other position than on his back. Stupid, clumsy whale body… How was he supposed to last another three weeks?

As he hopelessly tried to switch to a more comfortable position, he felt a hard kick in the ribs and he gasped for breath. "Fuck…"

"Sasuke?" Itachi mumbled sleepily, still immersed in the land of dreams.

"It's nothing. Go back to sleep." Sasuke groaned and let his head fall back down onto the pillows again.

His damn back was constantly aching. And his bladder, oh the damn thing was out to get him. It was so extremely small nowadays, and it drove him crazy. It disturbed his sleep, his meals and his daily routine. Tsunade had said his inner organs were being squeezed together tightly by the baby, leaving almost no room left.

As he drifted off to a confused slumber, the bladder problem was making itself known again. But then, somewhere in that state between consciousness and sleep, he realized that wasn't the problem. It was so much easier to move all of a sudden – his body felt lean and strong. He didn't pay it any mind, simply focusing his eyes on the sleeping form beside him. Itachi was still fast asleep… but he wouldn't be for long.

"Nii-san," he whispered sexily. He rolled over to his brother's side of the bed, feeling the warm body. It was dark in the room, but Itachi wouldn't get away.

Like a predator focusing on its prey, he straddled him. The elder rolled over with a groan as Sasuke settled on his abdomen, his legs on either side of his hips.

"Wake up. I need you," the younger mumbled as he started rubbing his ass against his brother's groin in slow, seductive movements. He smirked to himself as he felt Itachi harden rapidly beneath him, but soon the need took over.

Itachi let out a soft moan and opened his eyes. He could sense the look in his brother's eyes, telling him everything he was thinking. He raised his hands to cup Sasuke's bottom tightly, grinding him against his hardening member. Sasuke leaned down to kiss him passionately as he started unbuttoning his brother's shirt.

Itachi kissed him feverishly as he proceeded to open his shirt. "Mmm, Otouto…"

"Shut up and let me have you." He wanted Itachi to please him, to take him and make him scream in mindless pleasure. But most of all, he wanted to be the one who gave his brother pleasure. Nothing was stopping him now.

"You're so sexy…" The elder's voice was filled with adoration.

Sasuke snorted. "What are you waiting for? _Come on_ -"

A tiny, shy voice was heard: "Daddy?"

"Fuck." Sasuke froze, still sitting on top of his lover. The realization hit him in such a twisted way; panic and stress were making the bottom of his stomach tighten.

They both turned their heads to see a small black-haired child standing in the doorway, wearing a pajama with yellow ducks. His chubby face was streaked with tears.

From beneath him, Sasuke could hear Itachi's calm voice: "Go back to bed, Shisui."

"But Daddy, I can't sleep."

Another small kid appeared: a girl with long, shiny black hair that almost reached down to the floor. She bit her nails worriedly. "There's something beneath my bed... I'm scared! You need to chase it away!"

Two toddlers joined them. One of them hadn't even learned to walk and crawled over the floor, leaving a smelly trail behind. "Daddy! He peed in his bed!" the older of the two boys complained. Sasuke held back a frustrated sigh and rolled off Itachi. They had made an agreement – no sex as long as the kids were awake.

Suddenly, there were black-haired kids everywhere, coming from the windows and the bedroom door. There was no end to them. Some of them even had miniature ponytails. Childish voices filled the air. Sasuke was starting to feel really scared. What the fuck was going on?

"Daddy! Daddy! I wanna sleep with you! I can't sleep, there's a monster under my bed!" A dozen toddlers crawled onto the bed and surrounded Itachi, suffocating him in a mess of blue pajamas with duck-patterns. The entire bed was crawling with them, reminding him of absurd worms. Sasuke was brutally pushed off the bed, and Itachi could no longer be seen among the mountain of children.

Sasuke tried to get back onto the bed to push them off his lover, but no matter how much he struggled, he couldn't seem to get up on his feet again. He saw more and more kids filling the bed, screaming and yelling and crying and hitting each other with lollipops.

He abruptly sat up in the bed, breathing harshly. His heart was beating so fast it hurt, and he felt dizzy. An empty feeling in his chest hit him immediately, taking over his mind.

_Just a nightmare…_ He looked around the room, half-expecting to see a dozen miniature Itachi's crawling over the floor, but there was no sight of them.

Itachi turned towards him in the bed. "Otouto… are you okay?"

Sasuke shook his head slowly. "Just had a nightmare. Don't worry, go to sleep."

His large belly was making him so annoyed; it was big and always in the way. He felt bloated and horribly unattractive. His back pain was killing him and his throat still burned. Suddenly, he felt extremely emotional. He just wanted to break down and cry and kill anyone who dared to comment on it. The miserable feeling was impossible to shake off; the emptiness was taking over completely.

Itachi sat up and gently brushed some hair out of his brother's face. "It will be alright, I promise. I'm here, Otouto. Remember, it was just a dream."

_Thank goodness_ , Sasuke thought. Or else he didn't know what he would've done.

Unable to stop himself, he wrapped his arms around Itachi tightly, so that their stomachs were pressed tightly against each other. He craved his brother's touch more than anything else. As he turned his head upwards to kiss Itachi, a sharp pain in his abdomen appeared.

" _Ouch_!"

Itachi released him immediately and slowly laid him back onto the sheets. "Are you alright? What happened?"

"Nothing- ah. Fuck. It hurts… but I'll be fine."

Itachi didn't look convinced at all.

"Stop… frowning like that. Shisui better not copy your habit of looking so grumpy." Sasuke tried to smile teasingly, but he was getting a cold sweat and his stomach was churning in nausea.

The elder frowned. "Is there anything I can do?"

His brother tried to smile through the pain. "It's fine. Just bear with me. I'm not really feeling okay since that dream. It was plain terrifying, actually. I don't know what shit my brain is making up, but I definitely don't like it."

"You sure you'll be fine, Otou-?"

"For Christ's sake! I can handle myself!" Sasuke pulled away angrily. "I'm not dying, and neither is Shisui. I'm just feeling down; I'm not having a breakdown. I just need time to think."

He forced himself to calm down, reminding himself that freaking out on Itachi wouldn't make anything better.

"I'm just not sure what to do next; everything is confusing. As a bonus, my body is driving me crazy," he added, a tad softer. He lay back onto the bed.

After a few moments, Itachi put his hands on his stomach and stroked it gently. "Does it still hurt?"

"Geez, I'm not made of glass."

"I know." Itachi never seemed to lose his patience with him, and he had a never-ending compassion.

Sasuke was hard to deal with sometimes. At times like these, Itachi had to walk on eggshells to avoid saying something wrong. It required a big amount of tact to keep him from blowing up now and then, but he had what it took. He knew what buttons to push and which not to touch – while Naruto was completely helpless in those situations, complaining that Sasuke acted "too much like Sakura" and that he confused the hell out of him with his mood swings.

Itachi moved the large, loose nightshirt away and kissed the tense, stretched skin around his brother's navel. He placed his head against it to listen, and just as he had expected, he heard some faint sounds. "I think I can hear his heartbeat."

"You do?" Sasuke automatically locked his legs around Itachi's neck – an embarrassing habit from too many sexual activities - and placed his hands on his belly as well.

"How do you feel now?" Itachi mumbled slowly.

"... Better."

"Shisui seems to agree." The elder smiled and let his lips touch his stomach again. He felt that lovely nudge against his chin. "I'm sure he loves his current home."

"It's too small for him now. He has grown so much." Sasuke put his hands on his hips in an attempt to steady himself. "Soon he'll be able to stretch his little legs fully."

Itachi leaned over him and kissed his forehead gently. "I can't wait."

After some of Nii-san's specially made tomato juice and a gentle foot massage, Sasuke eventually fell into a deep sleep. Itachi sat by his side, stroking his hair and chasing his nightmares away.

His own were far too heavy to face.

.

The world outside was turning darker and grayer, mixed with golden tints of autumn. Time passed quickly, and fall was making the world wilt and sleep.

Sasuke warmed his hands around a hot cup of tea and stared out the window. He remembered the happy summer days; how easy and simple everything had been when there was only him and Itachi. He had never had to deal with this kind of responsibility or agony before. But he didn't mind the pain he knew would inevitably come; he knew it would be worth it.

As the special day drew closer, he found himself caught up in anticipation and stress. There was nothing he could do to stop it now. Neither did he want to. It felt special, almost ceremonious, to think about what was to come.

Itachi felt a different kind of agony. While he couldn't wait to meet his child, he had a feeling deep inside that he would never get to see him. The nightmares kept him up at night, but he did everything he could to hide it from Sasuke. He knew his brother needed as much sleep as he could possibly get.

He kept it to himself, trying to push it away. He trusted Sasuke completely, but he just couldn't tell him this. Maybe it was more for his sake than his own. As he was the older sibling, he had always been the one who took all responsibility – and the blame.

His nightmares were terrifying, tearing him up from the inside. He felt sad and miserable often, without knowing why. And every day, he could feel himself getting worse. It was like seeing the abyss approaching him faster every day. He felt like screaming and running away, but the monsters lived inside his head.

He was in no condition to do this - having a baby was a life-changing experience. Physically, he was among the strongest in the Akatsuki. Mentally… he was standing on the edge, barely holding on. When he woke up in the middle of the night, trembling violently and breathing harshly, more pictures of stained blood and bodies of dead infants clouded his sight.

He lived in an agonizing fear for Shisui's life.

He didn't know what had happened. He used to tell everything to Sasuke. But the words just wouldn't leave his lips when he tried to speak up about his feelings. His little brother was blissfully oblivious to his struggling. Sasuke would just complain that he worked himself too hard, and that little frown between his eyebrows would appear.

Itachi tried. He tried hard to let go of his agonizing thoughts, the pain that appeared so easily – almost anything was able to trigger his self-loathing. He had never known that the human mind was so fragile. He was all alone.

He just pretended. Whenever he didn't feel like facing himself, he put on his mask and let it melt into his skin. The act had become natural by now. As he stood in the bathroom, washing blood from his wrists, he would just close his eyes as tight as he possibly could. He wanted to wash away every part of his shame, his hate and bitterness.

Tsunade had started noticing however. When she came by to do her regular checkups on Sasuke, she would sometimes talk to Itachi in private as Konan distracted his brother.

"Itachi…You do realize you have to ask for help yourself," she said once. Her tone was matter-of-fact, simply professional.

"I don't need any help." His voice was firm, on the defensive.

Later, he overheard Konan and Tsunade talking as they were about to leave the house. He was standing on the other side of the hallway, unnoticed by them.

"Did you ask him?" The blue-haired doctor sounded worried.

"As I told you before, he won't talk. I won't push him; it's not my job."

"But I'm concerned about him. He seems exhausted and very distant. I don't think it's healthy for Sasuke either."

"He is a grown man, Konan. He has to take responsibility for himself."

"What if he can't, Tsunade-sama? Sometimes, people can't see that they are in need of help."

"I'll leave that to you then."

Itachi didn't like having two women watching over him, especially since they were authority figures at the hospital. Even though he was acquainted with the blue-haired doctor from the Akatsuki, he didn't particularly trust her. She was always silent and kept herself in the background with her husband during the meetings.

Just as he had expected, she approached him shortly after. She had come by with the excuse of bringing a new thermometer, since Sasuke broke the last one.

"Itachi," she said when she got a moment alone with him. "I am, quite frankly, worried about your health."

"I am doing fine." He would keep the mask on, no matter what.

"Listen to me for a moment. I have several patients with your… symptoms. You haven't been properly diagnosed, of course, but I've been able to watch you closely during the past months." She hesitated.

Itachi's jaw clenched and his entire body tensed up. "Go ahead."

"I don't want to make any statements until we are sure. I would need to sit down and ask you some questions, preferably at the hospital. We shouldn't disturb your brother."

He eventually agreed to make an appointment with her. He didn't tell Sasuke, afraid that he'd get worked up over nothing. He didn't know why he even agreed to it, but he needed them to stop fussing before his brother noticed. When they had finished their two-hour-long session, her golden-brown eyes looked very concerned.

"I am afraid that you have borderline depression, Itachi. Do you know what that means?"

The thought had never occurred to him before. He wanted to crawl out of his own skin.

She told him about it. The emotional instability. Difficulty regulating feelings. A staggering self-confidence and serious depression. Desperation.

"People with this diagnosis… they are often perceived as manipulative and hard to deal with by people around them. They are easily misunderstood. Is this something you can recognize?"

He shook his head slowly. No, this couldn't be true.

She continued warily: "Often, there are many other conditions behind this disorder. For example, eating disorders, social phobia…"

"Enough." His eyelids burned. He clenched his teeth. He wasn't some madman. He wasn't crazy. More importantly, he couldn't ever tell Sasuke about this. What would he think? It'd be a betrayal towards him and everything they had built together.

"We could set you up for treatment," she continued. She hated seeing his reaction, but she knew it was necessary. This was the worst part of her job.

"It's recommended and I think it would make everything easier for you. Actually, I want you to start this treatment, considering Sasuke and the baby. The kind of depression you suffer from is long-lasting. We don't want it to get worse."

He abruptly stood up. How would he ever be able to hide this from Sasuke? He didn't want to take any pills – there wasn't anything wrong with him. He refused to stay in this cold, hostile room any longer. He refused to hear her compassionate voice. He refused to see the apologetic look in her eyes. He couldn't take it.

Without another word, he fled the room and left the hospital.

After all, it's much easier to run than to face your demons.

 


	11. The Miracle

_**Three Months before Present Time** _

 

Another week passed, floating by with an overwhelming emptiness. Sasuke's stomach grew; time was running out. Itachi had spoken to neither Konan nor Tsunade since he was diagnosed; he just couldn't face it.

Two weeks left, and he felt like the Earth was about to end. Itachi had never hated anyone as much as he hated himself during that time. When he lay awake at night, feeling the anxiety surround him from every angle and slowly suffocate him, he felt more than ever that he just couldn't do this.

_"I think it would make everything easier for you. Actually, I want you to start this treatment, considering Sasuke and the baby. The kind of depression you suffer from is long-lasting. We don't want it to get worse."_

Konan's words were haunting him endlessly; he was torn between worrying for Sasuke and hating himself for how weak he had become. He couldn't sleep anymore. The most painful memories of his life were constantly lurking at the back of his mind, just waiting to attack when he was the most vulnerable. Everything he'd ever said and done wrong and every fight they had ever had would come back and haunt him as soon as he let his guard down.

But other days, it was surprisingly easy to pull himself together – he would not reveal anything. Long sleeves, a light smile and well-washed hair and no one would pay him any mind. Sasuke was too focused on complaining about his own discomfort right now to really notice, but Itachi knew that sooner or later, he would. He dreaded that day. Sasuke would realize that something was terribly wrong, and he would not give up until he had found out what it was. But the elder Uchiha had decided to bear his shame to the grave.

Yet, he couldn't hide it forever. He wondered when the mask would break.

.

When he came home from grocery shopping one day, he stopped right inside the door, completely taken aback.

"What's this, Otouto?"

"I just wanted to make him feel welcome."

Itachi slowly walked the last steps, feeling completely blown out of his mind. Despite having a very hard time moving, Sasuke had managed to decorate the entire living room with baby toys, balloons, as well as blankets and pillows that they had bought at the baby store. Blue, green, orange and yellow balloons were floating on the ceiling. Pacifiers were placed neatly on the soft, fluffy, folded blankets. The colourful letter lamps that they had bought were laid out on the table, spelling S-H-I-S-U-I.

He tried really hard to feel something, but the suffocating apathy was still there. "How did you manage to do all this?"

"Naruto helped me." Sasuke shrugged, leaning back on the couch. He looked unusually tired and worn-out.

"It's... really beautiful."

"I should probably warn you: he's coming back. He's really excited about all this. I didn't let him into the nursery though; he would've messed it up."

Itachi took off his shoes and walked over to the neatly folded pile of baby clothing on a side table. When he saw the tiny little jumpsuit on top, his heart got stuck in his throat. Soon it would be filled out by a real, living human being.

He swallowed hard and turned around. Sasuke's suitcase was open on the floor, ready to be filled with clothes and necessities. They had made an agreement with Tsunade that they would come to the hospital several days before the planned due date, so that she could supervise Sasuke all hours of the day, just in case. He had already started packing, which was quite unusual for him – normally he wouldn't be very concerned about such things.

An eager knock on the door made Itachi flinch. He went to answer it and was almost knocked down by an overly excited blond. "Can I see the nursery now?" Naruto burst into the room, clearly impatient.

Sasuke sighed. "Just don't turn anything over, dobe." He was far too tired to move now so he just sent his brother a glance. Itachi nodded, averting his eyes from them. "This way, Naruto."

They both went upstairs, and Sasuke heard Naruto's excited chitchat and twenty questions about everything regarding the baby. Itachi remained patient and tried to answer the best he could, but he sounded completely emotionless.

Sasuke leaned back on the couch and adjusted a slightly uncomfortable pillow behind his back. Naruto had been trying really hard to convince them to make him the godfather of Shisui, and Sasuke was on the verge of agreeing, if only to stop his constant fussing.

Naruto was constantly developing his bond with their unborn child, talking about how Shisui was doing that particular day and how his chakra felt. But it was slowly getting on the younger Uchiha's nerves; it was _his_ child. Naruto also seemed eager to take Itachi's place, but Sasuke would never let him.

He let his hands follow the edge of his big stomach, feeling the tense skin outstretched in a way he had never thought possible. A gentle nudge against his palm made an involuntary smile grace his lips. The love he felt for the baby that he had never seen was overwhelming – but as much as he wanted to see him and hold him, he was afraid of letting him out into this cold world. He wanted to protect Shisui from everything – all injustice, judgment, and everything he would have to deal with in the harsh reality outside. He wanted to keep him safe forever and make sure nothing and no one could ever hurt his fragile heart. He had never felt anything like this.

He felt his bladder start protesting again, and he bit his teeth in frustration. How long had it been, ten minutes since last time? Now Itachi wasn't around to help him, but Sasuke had never relied on other people too much. He refused to view himself as helpless; it hurt his pride far too much.

He started making his way off of the couch, slowly and carefully without bumping his large belly into anything.

"You've gotten really heavy," he mumbled. His legs protested as he stood up; they were used to being carried. All his muscles felt weakened. As he took a couple of steps from the couch, he felt that intense pain in his lower abdomen from the other night return again. It hit him really quickly, like a sudden blow to his stomach.

Sasuke had never in his entire life experienced the sensation of cramps, so the painful feeling was completely foreign. It came in waves, drawing back and hardly giving him time to breathe, before hitting with full force again. He clutched his stomach in agony as the ripping pain spread all over his abdomen. It was getting worse with each passing moment.

His legs gave in and he clumsily collapsed onto the floor. He was slightly aware that he hurt his hips, but he was unable to focus on anything else other than the ripping pain, praying for it to stop. He'd do anything… _just make it stop._ It was blurring his vision and numbing his senses. His mouth opened and closed in a silent scream.

As his body squirmed, he felt his leg hit something – the end of the coffee table. He tried to call out for his brother, but his voice failed him. It sounded hoarse and came out like a throaty groan instead.

Sasuke's entire body contracted, but in vain - there was no way for his body to resolve this by itself. The pain was insufferable - it felt like all of his inner organs were being squeezed tightly together by an invisible hand.

Somewhere amidst the pain, he realized that he was dying. If he didn't get help soon...

Using the last of his energy, he reached up towards the low table and grabbed his glass of tomato juice, swiping it over the edge with as much force as he possibly could.

.

The sound of glass shattering all over the wooden floor made Itachi flinch.

"Sasuke, what happened?" he called out. When he received no reply, he came down the stairs a moment later, Naruto following right behind.

They were met by the sight of Sasuke's convulsing body, lying in a mess of shattered glass and spilled juice.

"We have to call an ambulance!" the blond shouted, panicking. He rushed over to his friend, trying to shake life into him. "Sasuke, do you hear me?"

"There's no time," Itachi snapped, immediately realizing what was happening. "Call the hospital _now._ Tsunade's the only one who can handle this."

He leaned over his brother, trying to get any form of contact. As Naruto ran for his phone, Itachi spoke in a low, strained voice: "Just breathe, Sasuke. Focus on your breathing. That's all you need to do – breathe. Tsunade is on her way. We'll take care of you. I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

He placed his fingers on his brother's neck and counted his pulse as the younger boy kept on squirming in silent pain. Itachi watched his face intently for any signs of losing consciousness.

The blond soon returned, fear in his voice. "Tsunade is in the middle of a heart surgery - it'll take hours before she can get here. Konan had to assist her, but she said she'd come over as soon as she could." He was clearly about to freak out, which didn't make the situation any better. Itachi had absolutely no time or energy to deal with a hysterical Naruto on top of this.

Itachi felt panic spreading throughout his entire body. This wasn't supposed to happen – there were two weeks left before Sasuke was planned to go into labour.

Suddenly two lives were depending on him.

He knew he had to make a decision - now or never.

"Naruto," he hissed through gritted teeth, "I need you to keep Sasuke still and make sure he keeps on breathing."

The boy immediately placed himself by Sasuke's head. "What are you gonna do?"

He paled when he saw the look on Itachi's face. "No, wait, you can't do that! Are you crazy? It's gonna- "

"I have no choice," the elder snapped. But inside, he was hesitating. He was not sure he would be able to go through with this – the thought of hurting his brother in such a way made him feel sick to his stomach. There was no one around to help if something went wrong. If anything happened to Sasuke or Shisui… it would be his fault.

But time was running out.

Naruto's hands trembled violently. Sasuke's head was slack in his lap. "I can't feel his chakra…"

Itachi flinched, his entire body tensing immediately. But his Sharingan quickly told him otherwise – Sasuke's chakra was still there. Then he realized who Naruto was talking about.

Sasuke had heard their conversation through a rapidly spreading brain fog, but as the numbing pain increased, so did the panic. The panic was colder, stronger, battling the agonizing pain.

"Itachi," he hissed furiously, barely able to make any sound. "You have one fucking thing to do – _get him out._ GET HIM OUT!"

Itachi leaned over him, pale, heart rushing in his chest. "Otouto –"

"I don't care - _Cut me up and get him out._ NOW!" Sasuke's voice was a hoarse, desperate roar. _"He's DYING!"_

Itachi didn't waste another second. In a flash, he moved to the kitchen and located the sharpest knife he could find. A moment later, he moved to the cupboard where they stored all their first-aid equipment and took the antiseptic along with all the bandages, compresses and clean towels they had. He didn't have time to do this properly - they didn't have any real medical equipment and nothing to numb the pain.

He washed the knife with the antiseptic, lit a match and held the blade over the flame. Afterward, he rinsed it with the antiseptic again. Seconds later, he returned to his brother. Holding his head in his lap, Naruto tried to do breathing exercises with him – which was completely wasted on him since Sasuke was too far gone. The blond was freaking out more and more by the second.

Sasuke's eyes had rolled to the back of his head, and his body shook with seizures. Itachi positioned himself between his legs and pulled the big nightshirt away. He placed some of the towels around the stomach, hoping desperately it would be of some use. At the same time, he poured a good amount of antiseptic on the skin with his free hand, before lowering the knife over the tense stomach.

Naruto held his best friend's body still, feeling torn up and nauseous inside at the sight of him in this state. Itachi swallowed the panic that came from seeing his brother like this, but his emotionless side made it easier to push it aside.

He watched as the blood started pouring out of the wound. He added more pressure and let the knife follow the line of Sasuke's navel vertically. It made his stomach turn to see how easily the flesh gave in. There was no going back now.

Naruto tried to wipe away the cold sweat on Sasuke's forehead, but his own hands were so sweaty that it didn't make any difference. Sasuke was completely unconscious by now, and his entire body had gone limp.

"Keep on breathing, teme. Whatever you do, hang in there." Upset tears filled Naruto's eyes as his voice trembled.

Sasuke's body shook one last time, and his breathing seemed to stop completely. Naruto froze. He was ice-cold inside. Struggling, he managed to turn his neck towards the direction of Sasuke's abdomen. Dark red blood and gross, torn flesh were all he saw. He swallowed hard and tried to suppress the nausea.

As he saw Itachi's entire body bent over the wound, his hands soiled and covered in blood, Naruto shivered. To think that this man had been able to infest Sasuke with himself…

Itachi put down the knife, not really thinking, not really breathing at all. He lowered his hands, feeling caught in a dreamlike state of mind. The world stopped here. Everything started here.

What he felt was something out of this world; so strange, yet so beautiful. His emotions collided – a strange calm was coming over him, but also a slightly stressful feeling. He felt as if he had just heard the most beautiful melody of his life, and it had the strength to change something deep within him. A presence which he had never known before – it had been sleeping inside their hearts for so many years, until it was finally brought to the surface.

For the shortest of moments, everything was clear. Everything finally made sense.

For a fraction of a second, he felt _happy_.

He looked down at his soiled hands. A very tiny, wrinkly body covered in blood rested in them. Itachi felt the weight, the soft skin against his palms, and it was real. He stared at the newborn, at a loss of words and thoughts. Nothing could describe this feeling.

The little one moved his arms slightly, desperately trying to grab onto something. His brittle, delicate voice, protesting against the cold and bright world that he had been thrown into, was clear as a small porcelain bell. It made Itachi's heart ache deep within his chest.

Shisui.

He was perfect.

Itachi could feel tears gather in the corners of his eyes. The infant in his hands was nothing but a miracle, that had grown and survived in a place that would have been impossible for any other life form. The entire world stopped in that second. _Their baby_. Itachi loved Sasuke more than his own life. But this was a different kind of love. It was just as strong, but completely new to him.

Naruto's alarmed voice made him snap out of it. " _Itachi_!"

He had to trust Naruto now, trust that he wouldn't ruin this like the idiot he was. Reluctantly, he handed over his son to him.

"Make sure he breathes properly and _keep him warm."_

"I will," Naruto cooed with the baby as he stood up, shining with joy.

Itachi focused on Sasuke again – the wound needed immediate care. He put a big cloth over it and applied as much pressure as he could. As he started bandaging it, Konan burst through the door, her breathing strained.

"I came as soon as I could," she said and rushed over to them. "Tsunade will still be occupied for a few more hours. Has the baby been delivered?"

"C-section," Itachi answered shortly. The blue-haired female sat down on the other side of Sasuke, opened her bag and quickly got all her stuff ready. "I need to stitch it right now." She brought up a syringe and prepared it before inserting it into Sasuke's arm. He was looking completely lifeless, like an empty, torn up doll.

"The morphine will soon kick in, hopefully. He'll need it or he'll be in severe pain when he wakes up. I need you to monitor his breathing now."

She had already put on a hairnet and gloves and started working on the wound. Itachi sat on the side and put his lips to Sasuke's, with utter carefulness. The younger boy's lips were slightly bluish, and his breathing was uneven. Itachi let one of his hands rest on his neck, checking his pulse, as he gave him slow breaths and watched his chest respond.

_I'm so sorry, Otouto. This is all my fault. I put you through all this. I should have been prepared, I should have thought of this. But I'm here. You need to wake up – you'll finally get to see him. Just wake up, for his sake. Shisui needs you._

_I need you. You gave me something that I treasure more than my own life - you made me happy, even when I couldn't see anything about myself that was worth loving. You gave me your love, you gave me the blessing of being your brother.  
_

_You brought another ray of sunlight into my dark, starless night.  
_

_If you were to disappear, I would be swallowed by endless darkness._

Tears started running down Itachi's face. When he had made Sasuke's breathing normal again, he put his hands on either side of his face and kissed him deeply. His tears seemed to melt into the kiss, as his sorrow and desperation overflowed.

His brother was still not responding - when he kissed those cold, dry lips, it was as if he was dead. Itachi couldn't stop his tears from falling, running onto his Otouto's empty face.

_I need you to come back to me. If I were to lose you... I could not go on._

Konan took a deep breath. "It's all done. We need to take him to the hospital right now – he has lost a lot of blood, and Tsunade-sama must examine him at once. This was a very primitive delivery, and there is a big risk of complications and infections. It might affect the baby too. We will probably give them antibiotics for a while."

"Thank you. Do whatever you need to do." Itachi's voice was heartfelt. Now that Sasuke was in safe hands, his brain started working properly again. They looked over to the other side of the room where Naruto had assembled all blankets he could possibly find and wrapped them around Shisui. The baby was rolled up like a burrito, and Naruto cooed with him repeatedly.

"I need to make sure that his airways are clear," Konan inquired. "Did he scream?"

"Of course he's breathing!" Naruto seemed almost offended. "What do you take me for? I've raised kids before!"

Konan ignored him. She rolled the baby out of his massive blanket shield and started massaging his chest a bit, looking for a response. The baby's thick, wrinkly eyelids slowly opened for the first time, and he let out a soft whimper. Itachi could only stare, his heart all the way up in his throat.

He saw those eyes he had been longing to see – big, dark orbs sleepily looking at the world around them. Naruto had washed most of the blood off of his face, and for the first time, they could see what little Shisui actually looked like.

His eyes were Itachi's – big, endlessly dark and almond-shaped. The rest of his face was a copy of Sasuke: his mouth, his nose, even the same forehead. His head was covered in soft, black spiky hair. The older Uchiha was completely spellbound. It was like looking at his little brother, but something of himself was there in the picture – the baby was a perfect mixture of them both. But his beautiful looks were all from Sasuke, Itachi was convinced of that.

A slight coughing sound escaped the baby's lips and he flinched, suddenly worried. "Is he alright?"

"Don't worry." Konan smiled. She wrapped him up in tin foil and more blankets to keep him as warm as possible. "You have a lot of things to learn about babies, Itachi."

But the older Uchiha wasn't at all concerned about diaper changes and milk replacements. He couldn't suppress the new voice at the back of his mind: _There is no turning back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, the only way to assure fast and regular updates is to leave me feedback - it's my best motivation and inspiration to keep on writing and nothing can motivate me as much as knowing that someone enjoys my story. So it's really important to me. Thank you.
> 
> Much love! Thank you for reading!


	12. Reminiscence

_**Still 3** **M** **onths before Present Time** _

 

Naruto entered the bright hospital room. His jaw dropped.

Sasuke sat up in the bed, looking perfectly healthy. He was wearing an oversized dark blue t-shirt that showed off his graceful shoulders. His spiky hair was cut short but still pointing in all directions. Everything about him looked the same… except for one tiny detail. His stomach was almost flat and hardly noticeable anymore.

"Sasuke – teme, what happened to you? You look like nothing's happened!"

"Sorry to break it to you, dobe. You dreamed it all." The Uchiha raised a cocky eyebrow. He looked beautiful; his face seemed to be glowing.

"But – but what about Itachi and Shisui and –"

"He is right here," a soft voice spoke. Naruto turned around and almost jumped.

Itachi was all dressed in black, looking much sloppier than usual. But in his arms rested a tiny being, so small and soft, dressed up in a blue and white hospital suit. The baby's head was covered with black hair, and two tiny fists were clenched tightly to his little chest.

Naruto gaped like a fish and looked past the smirking Sasuke back to Itachi's smile. "Wait – did you give birth at the hospital? Wait, was I there?" Something was strange. Did he hit his head or something?

Sasuke rolled his eyes and facepalmed. "No stupid, I was joking. It all happened the way you remember it." He actually offered him a smile afterwards, which was very rare. Naruto knew what it meant – Sasuke was truly happy right now.

"But how come you're so… alert now? Didn't Itachi cut you up?"

"Tsunade healed me quite well. I'm feeling alright. I'm just glad Shisui is fine…"

"He has some examinations left," Itachi reminded him.

"I know, but physically, our baby is perfect. All of his reactions are perfectly normal; there is nothing wrong with him," Sasuke declared. Naruto felt warm inside seeing how he beamed, filled with joy. Itachi walked up to him and kissed his brother's lips deeply, still holding Shisui.

"I still can't understand how all of this could happen… I mean, it's pretty rare."

"He's our miracle," Itachi explained. "He's the evidence that impossible things can happen and actually turn out well. He is the evidence that after struggles, no matter how hard or hopeless they seem, something better awaits."

"They thought he'd die at an early stage in the pregnancy," Sasuke added, "or be too weak to make it on his own after being born too early and being so small. But he made it, and we never gave up hope. Nothing about this has been easy, but it was worth it. He's the proof."

Naruto looked at them for some moments, trying to take in what they had just said, but eventually gave up on it and exclaimed: "Can I hold him now? I've been waiting for so long!"

A glimpse of something appeared in Itachi's eyes, but he didn't protest as Sasuke sighed and reluctantly handed over his son to his friend.

As Naruto cooed and played with Shisui, both fathers watched intensely. Naruto started feeling a bit uneasy. "Um..."

"If you drop him you're _dead_ , dobe."

"Don't worry! I'm not that clumsy!"

As the blond started babbling about how Shisui would look so much better in a ramen-colored outfit, Sasuke reached up to kiss his brother's lips again. It simply felt wonderful – Itachi's love was out of this world. He was still trying to take everything in – not only his son's bright and enchanting eyes, but the fact that Itachi was going to be with him through all this.

"This sounds strange to say… but I'm really looking forward to raising him with you."

Itachi cupped his face in his hands. There was something strange in his look, but before Sasuke could comment on it, he smiled: "We have a long journey ahead of us that few people ever get to experience."

Sasuke smiled. "The worst is over, and he was worth it all. I wouldn't mind doing it again –"

"Come on," Naruto complained. "Do you know how much I had to put up with when you were constantly pissed and had weird cravings? Shisui's adorable and all, but can you at least wait a little bit before the next one? I'm not good at keeping people alive, next time I might fuck up."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but Itachi tensed up immediately. He had been down ever since Shisui was born a few days ago, even though it was obvious how much he loved and cared for him.

"What's wrong?" Sasuke tried to read his face, immediately sensing his lover's mood.

"Nothing." Itachi averted his gaze. Sasuke didn't believe him, but chose not to bring it up now. Itachi seemed more distant than he had been for several months.

 **Three** **D** **ays** **L** **ater**

The letter from the hospital arrived. Sasuke had just been allowed home, since he had recovered so well. Coming home had never felt so good. His stomach held a tall, vertical, quite nasty scar, but Tsunade had said it would fade with time.

When he sorted the mail, he noticed that the certain letter had already been opened. Frowning slightly, he skimmed it through. The blood tests and genetic testing performed on Shisui had shown something that probably was a chronic infection. They were scheduled to see a doctor at the end of the week – urgently. He felt his heart rate increase violently, and his mouth became dry.

Itachi was suffering from a chronic infection, an inherited illness that no one could really diagnose. But he had held it under control for all these years. He was hardly suffering from it once he reached adulthood, just taking regular medication.

Sasuke stared at the letter and then looked back at his brother, who had appeared out of nowhere. "This isn't what we planned, but we can handle it. Right, Itachi?"

Itachi had turned his back against him, and his entire body was stiff and tense.

"Itachi, what's going on?" Sasuke felt himself raise his voice, almost instinctively.

He felt like he was trapped in a violent roller coaster ride; everything felt uncertain.

"It was my fault."

"What?"

"He has my illness _. I infected him_." The words were filled with so much self-hatred, it shocked Sasuke.

"But you –"

"He is a baby. This could take his life away, and it's _my fault._ "

Sasuke gritted his teeth. His temper was flaring; the anger was reaching a dangerous temperature. "You think you can just give me the cold shoulder now and leave me alone with this? It's our child, we gotta do this together."

Itachi was still not looking at him. "It's my fault. Everything that happens to you and him is my fault."

"So you're just going to roll around in self-hatred for the rest of our son's life?"

"He doesn't deserve a father who dragged him into a life of suffering."

"Don't give me that fucking shit. He needs you, I need you. Don't make me repeat it. You know I don't blame you for anything. For Shisui's sake, Itachi, snap out of it!"

"… I can't."

The raw panic was approaching, only his willpower was holding it back. "Yes you can and _you will_. You promised you'd never leave me!"

"You are so much better off without me, Sasuke. Trust me."

"I'm not going to trust you right now. I'm not better off, for fuck's sake!" The emotions were painfully raw, hiding right below the surface. His worst fears were coming true, and they soon turned into fury.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. I can't."

Sasuke clenched his fists. "Then don't bother coming back. What if I just gave up like you every time I got unsure of myself? There's someone who needs me, and I'm not fucking going to abandon him. Remember our father? He was _never there._ "

"You're only making it worse. I already know I am a worthless father, thank you very much."

The poison in his voice seemed to infect everything around him. "… And I thought I was going to live the rest of my life with you. It's pathetic. You have to pull yourself together. Now."

"I can't."

Sasuke was too upset to think straight, but before he knew it, the bedroom door was shut firmly behind his brother, and he was gone. He had not left the house, but he had left mentally.

 _I never once thought it would turn out like this._  
Not for a second.  
I thought we would be together forever, you and me.  
Guess it was just me growing up.

What now? How do you repair something that has been broken into so many, dirty pieces? How do you pick up the pieces and clean them off all the pain?

Sasuke collapsed against the door, curling into a small pile on the floor.

"Itachi… please. Talk to me. I'm going crazy. _Just say anything_. I can't stand it."

No answer. Two weeks had passed and not a word. Shisui was getting so anxious at night, never giving Sasuke a chance to rest.

"How can you do this to me?" Sasuke had beaten the door until his fists went numb, but it remained firmly shut in his face. He had cried, screamed, and been silent for days. He had taken too much medication, starved himself, left every tap in the entire house running. No reaction.

It didn't matter what he put himself through in order to get the other's attention. The person on the other side of the door was dead. Gone.

Out of pure worry, Sasuke had started putting trays of food at his door, begging him to come out. Some days he found the tray emptied, in a very polite way, as if no human being had ever touched it. Other days, it was left untouched.

He screamed at the door. "I need you and you shut me out! Fuck you! Fuck you, Itachi. I need you to be here for me! Fuck you! I hate you!"

He begged. "Nii-san... please. Please..."

Despite what hurtful words he threw at his brother in his desperate anger, they felt emptier than ever before. Nothing was true, but they were the only things his mind could produce.

Sasuke continued on with his life, not really knowing what else to do. He had no chance to stop it all, because Shisui's life depended on him. Someone had to take care of him. The worry and care for his child overshadowed the need to collapse on the other side of the door, the urge to wilt away alongside his brother.

He had never cried so much in his entire life. Every night, he soaked the sheets. The razors cut deeper into his skin, carving words and letters he couldn't recognize. It didn't help, it didn't stop hurting.

As the weeks passed, slowly turning into months, he grew number. His life focused on housework, cooking for two but eating alone, feeding Shisui, waking up at night to put him to sleep, washing and ironing their clothes, and taking care of his son's occasional coughing fits.

Sometimes Naruto came over to play with Shisui or to leave groceries since Sasuke never left the house. Sometimes Konan or Tsunade would visit for a routine health check on Shisui. In between that, he tried to keep himself together. He never spoke to Naruto more than when it was absolutely necessary. His friend seemed to keep his distance, looking scared whenever he saw him.

At night, he bit his fist to keep himself from screaming out loud from the nightmares that haunted his mind. At least he wasn't crying anymore. He didn't eat much at all. Time passed swiftly and sometimes, it dragged itself over him and swallowed him whole in anxiety. He would collapse on the bathroom floor, watching his wrists turn red and the floor turn slippery. He tried to keep himself healthy – he had sworn to stay away from drugs, smoking and pills no matter what – Shisui needed him.

It hurt more than he could ever imagine. But his son left him no time to think and grieve. Shisui literally kept him on his feet, a piece of something to hold onto. It scared him to know, that if his son wasn't there, the next time Naruto came by, he would have found Sasuke pressed against the bedroom door, merely a wilting skeleton.

.

**Back To Present**

.

_Everything is going to be fine now. Itachi won't leave again._

How could he trust that? How could he know that Itachi wouldn't leave him all alone once again? He could fall back down into his misery again any second, and it terrified Sasuke. He was living on the utter edge in fear.

_"Otouto, all I want to undo is your pain and your suffering. Nothing else. I know you probably can't believe me. It's true I don't know my son, but he is a part of us."_

The doubt was his worst enemy.

_"I promise you Sasuke, that from now on, you won't stand alone. All I need is for you to give me a chance to prove it."_

He waited three months to hear those words. Now they seemed wasted.

 _"_ _Just let me make it better... I know I don't have the right to, but it's the only thing I ask of you."_

After those moments of temporary bliss together with his brother, he couldn't rest. He had decided – tried – to pretend that nothing had ever been wrong. Pretended that Itachi had been there all along since Shisui was born. But he had not, and that fact could not be erased.

Pretend - the last escape route from this situation.

The following nights, he was unable to sleep despite the fact that Itachi went to soothe Shisui every time he cried.  
Itachi did everything, trying to make up for something that couldn't possibly be compensated. He cooked, cleaned, gave Sasuke both space and closeness, trying so hard. He was so tender with Shisui, always managing to calm him down and singing him to sleep even when Sasuke couldn't.

Sasuke was caught thinking it through over and over again. He was angry with himself for giving himself to his brother, for letting his own foolish needs and desires overtake him. But seconds later, when Itachi climbed back into bed and their skin touched, he felt that it was all worth it. His body had forgotten the pain by now, even though the mind couldn't.

It felt worth it. It felt better to have touched him, held him, kissed him and taken the pain, than never experiencing it. It felt better to have heard those words of love, those promises, than if they never occurred at all. It felt better to have felt the heated lust and passion and see them disappear.

Finding their way back together in everyday chores and taking care of an infant together was difficult. The following days, Sasuke found himself tiptoeing around his brother, always holding his breath for the day Itachi would stop talking to him again. Every time Itachi went into the guest bedroom to fetch something, he felt his heart beating fast. Itachi noticed every little tense movement of Sasuke's, every time his heart skipped a beat, and the look in his eyes was making it worse.

Sasuke tried to understand how it had all happened. He had let Itachi come back into his life, soothe him at night, go to bed with him and even threaten Naruto, and he was accepting it as if nothing had ever happened. He was biting his tongue, pushing the emotions back. Scared to death by the thought of Itachi leaving his side again, but angry with him for being so unreliable. He still remembered everything.

Every time he closed his eyes, the terrible nights and angst returned. He had dreamed about him so many times. In some of those dreams, he had felt somewhat _happy_. In those dreams, Itachi had returned to him, tender and honest. Now those dreams had faded.

Still, Itachi was right beside him, taking him into his arms every time he felt anxious and holding him so tight until the ache subsided.

.

Naruto was still coming around as often as he could, playing with Shisui. But the younger Uchiha saw through him – there was another reason for his increasingly frequent visits. After Itachi stepped back into his life, Naruto had reacted by coming around more often than before. Sasuke had hoped he would lay low after Itachi overreacted the other day, but to his great annoyance, that wasn't the case.

Today, Naruto had come around like usual. Sasuke was changing Shisui's diaper in the living room while the blond was watching TV. He had been around for a couple of hours, glaring at Itachi as soon as the older Uchiha looked away. Itachi was wary around him, but hadn't done anything. Sasuke could hear him finish cleaning up in the kitchen.

Naruto glanced around to check that Itachi wasn't nearby and fidgeted nervously.

"Sasuke, I gotta talk to you."

The other stiffened instantly, finishing without a word and putting his son to his chest to calm himself down. Naruto had rose from his slumped position on the couch and looked at him with a serious expression.

"It's really important."

Sasuke's arms tightened around Shisui. He glanced at the kitchen. Itachi seemed busy. The blond moved closer and Sasuke rose to his feet. He felt cornered.

"Are you happy with him, Sasuke?"

He immediately got defensive. "What kind of question is that?"

"Don't try to hide it from me." Naruto frowned, and his words suddenly seemed to flow endlessly. "I know you're unhappy. He is letting you down over and over again, and you're just putting up with it. Every time he does something, you forgive him right away. Don't you see what he has done to you, teme?"

"That's a lie!" He gritted his teeth.

"No, it isn't, and you know it too. For how long have you been living together?"

"… That's a stupid question."

"Okay… for how long have you two been officially in a relationship?"

"Five years."

"He isn't treating you right. He doesn't see what you need, Sasuke. I can't help but wonder…"

"Shut it!"

Shisui whimpered. Sasuke pressed him tighter to himself.

" I would treat you better. Won't you see that? I would never leave you alone or push you away. I would be there for you, always. No, listen to me. I'm not trying to come between you and Itachi - "

"Then why are you telling me this? It's enough, Naruto!" he snapped. "You're already there for me, that's enough."

"I hate to see your face after every argument, every time he leaves you alone. He gives you so much stress, don't try to hide it."

"We… we're working on it. Nothing has happened yet. Besides, it's none of your concern."

"It is! You're my best friend. As soon as he snaps again, you'll be back to square one."

"…"

"I would give you the world, Sasuke." Naruto's voice was more pained than he had ever heard it before, making the Uchiha's defense falter slightly. He would never admit it, but the thought of Naruto taking the role as a father to Shisui… it had crossed his mind many times.

The other sighed, glaring at him. "You don't see what's right in front of you, that's the problem with you. You're stuck in the past."

"If I want to be stuck there, it's my damn problem. Why am I even discussing this with you?"

"You're so stupid sometimes, teme," the other hissed. "Itachi is such a mess, why don't you choose the only way that doesn't give you more problems? Why do you keep waiting for someone like that? You could do so much better. Being with someone with his kind of issues is gonna drain you completely!"

"Because…" The fierce comeback got stuck in his throat. It was suddenly hard to find his voice again. He was torn between the urge to slap the blond right across the face, and simply turning and walking away.

"Because I love him." He was angry, torn up inside. "He is worth it, because I love him. I don't care what issues he has, because I can't live without him. His life is more important to me than anything else. I would rather _die_ than live without him."

"He hurt you so much. It won't ever be like that with me," Naruto muttered. "You deserve someone who is completely devoted to you, someone who gives you what you need." His eyes were fixated on Shisui, and Sasuke felt the urge to turn his son's face away.

Steps coming towards the living room, announcing his brother's approach, saved him from having to reply. Naruto got up, giving him a sharp look. "I gotta go." He grabbed his coat off the couch and was out of the house in a minute, just giving Sasuke another hurt look over his shoulder.

The younger Uchiha sighed and gently placed his son back onto his blanket on the floor. He loved him so much. Sometimes, it felt like Shisui was the only supportive pillar in his life, the only one that wouldn't go away.

He looked up to see Itachi standing by the door, looking at them.

"I need to talk to you, Sasuke."

* * *

**We're approaching the end and all support is very much welcomed. Please review!**

\- Love, Crystallinee


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